OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
1 of 1- seansayswords
- New member
Offline
Honestly, part of me is relieved
My wife recently came out to me as a lesbian. We have 2 young children and have been having relationship issues for over a year. The revelation of my wife’s sexuality was a shock at first, but now that a little time has passed, it makes everything make so much sense.
Has anyone else felt similar in this situation?
- Sam (Admin)
- Administrator
Offline
Re: Honestly, part of me is relieved
Absolutely. I felt many unpleasant things when my late ex came out, but I also felt relief, for the same reason and more. She tried to make me feel there was something wrong with me because she was unhappy. For a while, I tried acting or being what she said she wanted but eventually stopped because it was never enough. Once she was out it was obvious I could never be what she wanted and a great deal of pressure and guilt was removed. So don't feel guilty about being relieved. You have been.
- lily
- Member
Offline
Re: Honestly, part of me is relieved
yes, once I had worked out he was gay (he wasn't admitting to it) it was a lot of relief - exactly as Sam describes.
For me it was relatively simple, and I feel for you - there is no easy options with young children involved.
wishing you all the best.
- HeldHostageInHerCloset
- Member
Offline
Re: Honestly, part of me is relieved
Same here. There's plenty I've accepted blame for. I've struggled with porn for most of our marriage without getting help (that worked) and after we got turned down for a christian foster program, she just shut me out, then Covid hit and within 6 months she was writing lesbian romance, spending all her time out with "friends". I was doing my best, but had zero support from her, while also shouldering all the stress from single income, massive debt, etc etc... taking care of the kids everynight while finishing MBA.
So 3 years later, happened to come across her secret IG account she'd been hiding for now... 3 years. It was a simultaneous feeling of an anxiety attack, clarity, and relief all at once. It made not just the last 3 years clear, but the last 18. She'd never been particularly intimate physically with me, not since the honeymoon, not affectionate, and took ever chance she could to be somewhere else, usually with some female friend I didn't know. The loneliness was crushing... and yeah, at times the urge to end things was strong.
Finding out was thing that honestly gave me hope... not for us, but at least for myself. If she didn't want me, and especially if she were out messing around, then I'd be free to move on (from a Christian perspective).
I joined a support group shortly after finding out working on my issues, and when I confronted her, she was angry that it took the thought of losing her for me to change... I haven't said it to her face, but frankly it's not the thought of her leaving that scared me, but what if she didn't? Then I have to be the bad guy that tells my children's mom to leave.
She still blames me for everything, and accuses me of manipulation, all the typical deflection techniques, but it's clear now, so it doesn't affect me the way it used to.
Now I could pile all the petty things on top of this (uncleanliness, unhelpful, never helping with cooking, etc) but to have a clear, "This is why it's over" is a relief.