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February 4, 2024 8:41 pm  #1

Gay and a narcissist?

Has anyone ever experienced a spouse coming out and his/her also being a narcissist? And/or is there any research on the topic?


February 4, 2024 9:22 pm  #2

Re: Gay and a narcissist?

I don't know about peer-reviewed research, but it does seem that quite a few of us have/had spouses with narcissistic behaviour, especially in the men. Here's a link to a basic description of the condition. If you are in this situation, you may spot some familiar behaviours and tactics. Take the 'what to do' advice with caution. First get the knowledge, then consider what you might do. Be well.

“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer

February 4, 2024 9:33 pm  #3

Re: Gay and a narcissist?

I can provide both. My ex wife is a licensed psychologist and taught me for years about the condition. Little did I know she was describing herself the entire time. My body always knew, I was sick the entire 23 years together. In the 1+ year apart? Best health of my adult life. Happy to help anyway I can. Whether or not they are a diagnosed narc is not really the point, toxic behavior is toxic behavior. 


February 6, 2024 3:42 pm  #4

Re: Gay and a narcissist?

Daryl, that is a really interesting link.


February 6, 2024 9:16 pm  #5

Re: Gay and a narcissist?

Yes a good article.  The section "How to deal with a narcissist" describes my whole marriage....Didnt realize it at the time...always had to choose my words and behave in a cautious way for basic things like saying good morning.      

"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7

February 12, 2024 6:46 pm  #6

Re: Gay and a narcissist?

I like the article, especially how it describes certain categories of narcissistic behavior.

One gotcha I can see from a personality disordered partner confronted with this is it's not my fault I'm like this. Please help me change. It can be another way to manipulate and gaslight a well-meaning spouse into accepting abuse.

There's always an element of personal choice and responsibility I think.

No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 

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