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1 of 1- Anon2222
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These People Are Delusional
Honestly, my ex-gay-liar-abuser of a husband is completely and entirely delusional. I'm starting to wonder if some of these people are even human...
For the first time since he walked out, I was able to speak my own truth. I laid it all out. I stated all the shitty things he has done to me. How much he's hurt me. How much I've been going through. How much I've struggled. How I am a shell of a person. I told he I was his beard, and he damn well knew it. Everything I could think of. I brought up how he took away my bodily autonomy and ability to consent. The ways he manipulated me, gaslit me, used me. How much he hurt my parents (they loved him like a son, even paid for his University degree). And how he betrayed and devastated an entire family.
And I expected nothing in return.
I was not expecting an answer to why he did this. I was expecting him to dodge responsibility. Make excuses. He told me to pass along to my parents that he was sorry *eye roll*. He is such a coward. Why doesn't he pick up the phone and talk to them instead of being such a pathetic coward.
He lived up to all my expectations. Including telling me he needed to take a break from the conversation because he was angry and tired of being told all the ways he fucked up, and how would I like it if someone did that to me *mega eye roll*
Always the beard, never the bride.
And he ended the conversation with how he feels we are going to be close friends once all this is over and I've had time to heal.
Confirming to me that this man is delusional.
It's also kinda insulting that he seems to think that I would want/deserve/desire a friend who treats me like shit and destroys my life....but that I'm naive or stupid enough to take them back with open arms?
They truly appear to be entirely delusional on who they are as a person and what they have done.
As much as this entire process bites, every time I go through the circus of his messed up brain....the tie/love/caring/empathy/desire to remain in touch all dies a bit more.
Not gonna lie. Hope still bubbles every once in awhile that he will actually treat me like a person deserves to be treated....then he opens his mouth....and hope dies.
It's a long process. I am working on giving myself time and grace. To go through this process how I have to, and the way that works for me. Man it's a long and utterly devastating journey though. I think the hardest part of all this is going to be letting myself off the hook....because I feel like a moron. And I also don't see how I will be able to trust myself as a judge of character. I fear that if I try to go into the world of dating I will end up being another beard...
- Rob
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Re: These People Are Delusional
Anon,
So sorry..you can add arrogance to the delusional also..
Reminds of a legal letter during my divorce how emotional time has passed and I was to agree to some crap.. my GX and her lawyer thought they could dictate how hurt I was.
I recommend if you can to see a psychiatrist for antidepressants.. not to take forever but just to help you through the separation.. I called them my indifference pills..made me indifferent like her. Allowed me to navigate a divorce and not crumble in tears and defend myself from, like you say, the delusional person that was attacking and hurting me. A person that to this day cannot see or has justified the hurt.
We are not friends now.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Blackie563
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Re: These People Are Delusional
Anon2222 wrote:
And he ended the conversation with how he feels we are going to be close friends once all this is over and I've had time to heal.
My lesbian ex wife said the same in the beginning. "Whoever I find will have to like you and get along, because we will be friends, you've always been there" she said. About a month or so later, is when I found out she had lied even more about her initial affair, and had moved on to the next and was sneaking this person into the house through the egress window while me and the kids were home, despite our agreement that no other people would be brought into the house since it was OUR house, not her house.
That was just one lie and thousands over 23 years. She is a habitual liar and VERY delusional. You can forgive and move on, while still not being friends or allowing that person in your life. I have to deal with mine because of the kids, but I keep it frosty and to the facts. She tries to vent to me about various things....I ignore it all. We are not friends. I trust my friends, my friends don't treat me like shit. I do not foresee a scenario where we will ever be friends because she is not capable of accepting responsibility for her actions and lies. I am in a great place, have a wonderful gf and absolute peace in my new home. You'll make it, step by step
- Shenaz
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Re: These People Are Delusional
Hi guys
I'm new here, English is third language. I've been through hell and back. I' never thoughtthat a man can abuse a woman this way. I stayed with this abuser for over 10 years, geslighting me, abusing me, withholding intimacy. I thought I was alone, I always blame his parents for not loving him enough. I feel num, I feel like a have a brainproblem. the food I eat doesn't digest, Dr,s can't find a solution
His always angry at me, calling idiot for staying with him this long, 4 years ago I took him to this male sex Dr, they give him intimacy medication. but his never used it. His angry almost all the time, even when I take him away for a Birthday surprise, He looks for a fight. His ex boss used to hate me for know reason. All his male friendshated me, his Ex boss used to phone him, more than 10 times a day. So three years ago, I recoded him talking to one of his friend, Telling him that, his been trying to kick me out, talking about sleeping tablets. Telling him how horny he is for. and sometimes I sleep 24 hours, I thing his drugging me.
I've been in this since August 2013, I had to make it work, I was trying to help him heal the abuse he suffered from his parents when he was young. I took him to church, he doesn't believe in God.. we've been sleeping separately for over three year, I've asked him if he was gay, he denied it. But his got a thing with both our married neighbours. His like an animal, he sleeps with men under the trees, next to our house
This has destroyed me and my health. He speaks down to me at all times, I've been such an idiot, I stayed with this man, not even having sex, trying to fix him, at one time I lost so much weight for him, but still he didn't look at me. My question to all the gay man out there. Why his so abusive? Why everytime we go away he will look for an argument? I washed and clean , cook and did everything for him? Why this hate?
He will hurt me and ask me to apologise. he still doesn't want to admit that his gay, he was always very protective of his behind. When I touched him by surprised years ago, his penis got up, he was so horny.
And I've never experienced that before. I never thought that, someone can get so excited just by being touched in his behind. So he was just using me.....I need help, I need someone to talk too, I've never feel so ugly before I met him.....if you're a man. Please don't contact me
- MJM017
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Re: These People Are Delusional
Hello Shenaz,
I am very sorry you find yourself here. It's unfair and unjust to have an abusive spouse who is not straight.
I don't believe your husband will be a kinder person by your being a kind and helpful wife. In my marriage my ex-husband expected more kindness and became more abusive the more I gave. I know you know you can't make him interested in you sexually. What you see in him is what he is now and will be for a long time. He doesn't seem interested in changing.
For your own mental and physical health it's important to take a break from him. See a counselor, confide in clergy and close friends and relatives. You need support to lift yourself out of an abusive relationship. Nothing will change unless you get support and confide in someone.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- M-Kate
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Re: These People Are Delusional
I understand your anger. I feel the same way about my husband currently. He has said that his cheating and lying is "forgivable" and that I should just get over it.