OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Counselling/therapy needs of straight partners
Victo,
After a 35 year marriage to a man who declared after 32 of them that he had decided he was "a woman in a man's body," I would like to say that your words, below, echo what I have had to go through, albeit from the perspective of a straight female who never once in her life before my now-ex's mindfuck thought about her "gender identity"--
"I absorbed so much anti masculine energy during my marriage that I had to essentially silence my own masculinity just to survive in the marriage.
And now that I am free of that mindfuck, I find myself still figuring out how to express what I have always felt deep down..."
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Counselling/therapy needs of straight partners
Red Earth,
Two good scholarly resources for you have been mentioned numerous times on the forum.
Omar Minwalla: "The Secret Sexual Basement"
Donna Chapman: Donna Chapman and Benjamin Caldwell: “Attachment Injury Resolution in Couples When One Partner is Transgender”
Journal of Systemic Therapies, Vol 31, No. 2, 2012, pp36-53
(full text of article available online)
As the ex-wife of a man who declared he was "a man in a woman's body," I have often referred women in the same situation to the following resources:
Academic and Professional:
Michael Bailey, "The Man Who Would Be Queen." It's available online and downloadable. Bailey is a research psychologist at Northwestern Univ.
Donna Chapman and Benjamin Caldwell: “Attachment Injury Resolution in Couples When One Partner is Transgender”
Journal of Systemic Therapies, Vol 31, No. 2, 2012, pp36-53
(full text of article available online)
Anne Lawrence, "Men Trapped in Men's Bodies/Becoming What We Love." Lawrence is a trans person and an MD, a psychologist who treated (now retired) trans identified males. Lawrence maintains an online presence and there are articles there.
Autogynephilia: An Underappreciated Paraphilia Anne A. Lawrence Department of Psychology, University of Lethbridge, Lethbridge, Alta., Canada
Memoirs/Accounts by Wives
Those who left:
Christine Benvenuto: "Sex Changes." A memoir
“Naeferty” (a pseudonym) Naeferty ran a blog about her experiences with her own trans identified male partner. Read the post "Gas Mark Six" and the comments.
“Transwidows Escape Committee” Mumsnet
A podcast: How my ex-husband’s transition made me feel
- Victo
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Re: Counselling/therapy needs of straight partners
OutofHisCloset wrote:
Victo,
After a 35 year marriage to a man who declared after 32 of them that he had decided he was "a woman in a man's body," I would like to say that your words, below, echo what I have had to go through, albeit from the perspective of a straight female who never once in her life before my now-ex's mindfuck thought about her "gender identity"--
"I absorbed so much anti masculine energy during my marriage that I had to essentially silence my own masculinity just to survive in the marriage.
And now that I am free of that mindfuck, I find myself still figuring out how to express what I have always felt deep down..."
That’s exactly why I say that I feel like after being married to someone who struggled with and lied about her gender identity, and who employed a series of narcissistic abuse techniques on me to hide this fact, that it left me questioning my own gender identity despite the fact that I am and always have been completely straight.
Nothing is simple when dealing with the toxic mix of hidden gender identity and MOMs created via lies and narcissism.
- RedEarth
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Re: Counselling/therapy needs of straight partners
I attempted to post here the day after my initial post and for some reason it didn't take, so apologies for not appearing here sooner to take responsibility for distress I've caused. I apologise absolutely unreservedly for posting here - a significant lapse in judgement, which was highly insensitive. I counsel straight partners and am committed to meeting their therapeutic needs, which I believe are all too frequently not understood or responded to appropriately within orthodox counselling and psychotherapy practice. My ultimate aim is to make a positive impact on practice, ensuring that straight partner’s views and needs are represented in specialist training. I won't be posting here again but will be taking further guidance from OurPath.
- •
Thread Starter- MJM017
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Re: Counselling/therapy needs of straight partners
Victo,
After a 35 year marriage to a man who declared after 32 of them that he had decided he was "a woman in a man's body," I would like to say that your words, below, echo what I have had to go through, albeit from the perspective of a straight female who never once in her life before my now-ex's mindfuck thought about her "gender identity"--
"I absorbed so much anti masculine energy during my marriage that I had to essentially silence my own masculinity just to survive in the marriage.
And now that I am free of that mindfuck, I find myself still figuring out how to express what I have always felt deep down..."That’s exactly why I say that I feel like after being married to someone who struggled with and lied about her gender identity, and who employed a series of narcissistic abuse techniques on me to hide this fact, that it left me questioning my own gender identity despite the fact that I am and always have been completely straight.
Nothing is simple when dealing with the toxic mix of hidden gender identity and MOMs created via lies and narcissism.
I became gender neutral during my marriage. I abandoned all things which made me feel feminine before I met him. I was against cheating and worn down by the GIDXH's mindf!ck.
I have resumed the exterior feminine things I used to like. The interior needs more propping up though.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa