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October 27, 2021 1:53 pm  #11


Re: Found his Grindr but he denies being Gay/Bi…

She's not his mother.  If he "needs help" he's a grown man and can seek it out himself.  She can't be in charge of fixing herself and also be the responsible adult in his life who finds him a therapist and "set limits" and all the rest.  She's not his nursemaid at this point.

I don't know if you've ever tried to drag or coerce a manipulative lying narcissist into therapy, but it's a full-time job.  I believe it's someone else's job, at this point.

He reacted to her by spreading lies about her.  Does this sound like a situation where a wife has power?

 

October 27, 2021 2:19 pm  #12


Re: Found his Grindr but he denies being Gay/Bi…

My stbx advised me he had been sexually assaulted after I discovered TGT. I believed him, I hesitated at first, but you know what, it sounded too real to me, to be made up, the more I thought about it. In addition, who I am to doubt him? Whether or not it is relevant to the relationship, will be dependent on each  individual relationship, I don't think you can make a blanket statement, that's my own opinion 

The fact that he has been sexually abused  doesn't translate to my issue or to my problem to solve, the one who has the problem, owns it, in my honest opinion. Its the actions taken by that partner and the choices they made during the relationship along the road that counts, not just based on whether or not sexual abuse occured, but it shouldn't be doubted, but the onus back on them to seek treatment and you go about your decisions. .


I never cease to wonder at the cruelty of this land, but it seems a time of sadness is a time to understand, is it mine, oh lord is it mine, when everything is dark ….. Roger Hodgson. 
 

October 27, 2021 3:06 pm  #13


Re: Found his Grindr but he denies being Gay/Bi…

When my kids deny eating chocolate chip cookies but have chocolate all over their faces and hands, I know what to believe.  I think you are in the same place.
 

 

October 27, 2021 6:39 pm  #14


Re: Found his Grindr but he denies being Gay/Bi…

StraightBiRelationship - if you want to post on this board why not introduce yourself a bit - are you male or female, are you straight or bi.  is it a good relationship and you think you can help others achieve the same, or are you here because it isn't?

Whether it is a made up story or it is true, sexual abuse is as common as daisies and under what sun does it become a valid excuse for poor behaviour to your partner, what has it to do with an adult going on Grindr.  I took his comment to mean he enjoys the feeling of control he gets, ie he is sexually dominant, a top not a bottom, which is also in line with his ability to maintain performance in the bedroom.  In saying it's all about control for him, he is denying having romantic feelings for the men isn't he.  Personally I'd take that with a grain of salt too.  

Meanwhile it's his wife he grew cold to.   

EXHGEMM - hope you have family that you can turn to for support.   wishing you all the best.

 

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