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October 25, 2021 4:59 pm  #1


NYT is interested in interviewing couples in MOMs

CALL FOR MIXED ORIENTATION COUPLES WILLING TO SHARE THEIR STORIES PUBLICLY WITH THE NEW YORK TIMES.
Hi Everyone,
OurPath is working with Derek Arthur of the New York Times Opinion Section for a new podcast project. He is looking for couples in Mixed Orientation Relationships/Marriages to interview on their beliefs about their relationships. He has asked that I connect him with “couples who are trying to make their mixed orientation marriages work and are willing to talk about that openly. ”This could include couples (gay-straight, bi-straight, trans-cis, etc.)
- Who knowingly entered into a MOM from the outset.
- Couples in which one partner came out during the course of the marriage.
- Couples who are actively wrestling with how to navigate their relationship.
- Couples who feel they have clear views on their relationship status. If you and your spouse/partner are willing to talk openly, please direct message me and I will have OurPath connect you with Derek.

 

October 25, 2021 8:09 pm  #2


Re: NYT is interested in interviewing couples in MOMs

Doesn't it sound like the NYT has an angle of trying to normalize MOM here?  It's not normal to marry for any reason besides love in my opinion.

 

October 25, 2021 10:06 pm  #3


Re: NYT is interested in interviewing couples in MOMs

"trans-cis"   This is why I have pulled back from the SSN.  This bullshit labeling of me as "cis."  I am not cis.  Don't misgender ME.  "Cis" implies that I am down with the gender stereotypes that have been mandate for my sex.  I am not.  I will NOT be defined as an adjunct of "trans."  

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (October 25, 2021 10:07 pm)

 

October 26, 2021 7:22 am  #4


Re: NYT is interested in interviewing couples in MOMs

I had to google cis gender, I had no idea this label existed.  We have too many labels already, why can't we just say that everyone is unique, like our fingerprints. I'm a woman but I act more like a man at work because it's a masculine culture and that's okay. I don't need to be labeled for that, nor do I need the work culture to change. People are complex and adaptable so labeling every subtle difference is pointless.

 

October 26, 2021 11:47 am  #5


Re: NYT is interested in interviewing couples in MOMs

I'd love to be invited to discuss my experience, but not if it means propagating a cruel and destructive narrative.

 

October 26, 2021 2:17 pm  #6


Re: NYT is interested in interviewing couples in MOMs

cis - comfortable in skin. as long as you don't have a rash I suppose.  

Why exclude the input from the many people who don't think a mom can work - It has to be a puff piece of journalism intended doesn't it?

The thing I have been noticing recently is that there is a loud and strong narrative about how the battered wife will take her husband's side.  Not nearly so much of a narrative about how the battered husband does his wife's bidding.  it is a profound level of control and deceit to which men are just as vulnerable as we are.

 

 

October 26, 2021 4:35 pm  #7


Re: NYT is interested in interviewing couples in MOMs

Lily, I agree with your comment. However, I believe,  it’s not as hidden, it seems to me as it used to be. We have statistics on the abuse of men by their female SO readily available now. It is a very true, sad truth that still doesn’t receive the public attention it is so deserving of.  It is starting to be made way more public now.


I never cease to wonder at the cruelty of this land, but it seems a time of sadness is a time to understand, is it mine, oh lord is it mine, when everything is dark ….. Roger Hodgson. 
 

October 27, 2021 10:16 am  #8


Re: NYT is interested in interviewing couples in MOMs

Lily, totally agree.  One thing I've learned reading this site for so long, is there are two things we really don't understand in our culture.  We don't understand womens' sexuality, and we don't understand men's emotional complexity.  We're still locked into that narrative that women have sex for love, and men have sex for orgasms.  Speaking as a woman who was deprived of sex for over two decades, I can assure you my husband used that fairy tale to rationalize what he did to me, and he has no remorse about anything beyond getting caught.

 

October 28, 2021 2:30 am  #9


Re: NYT is interested in interviewing couples in MOMs

thanks, it's nice being agreed with!

 

 

October 29, 2021 5:21 pm  #10


Re: NYT is interested in interviewing couples in MOMs

lily wrote:

cis - comfortable in skin. as long as you don't have a rash I suppose. 

OutofHisCloset wrote:

I am not cis.  Don't misgender ME.

It is unfortunate, lily.  I don't want to be labeled as cis. If someone else wants it for themselves, go ahead. I had to look up what it was, too.

OOHC, I would feel the same.  God knows what my GIDXH was. Was he/they a TIDXH? Was I a victim of TTT instead of TGT. How do I know he wasn't T? He had some xxl ladies housecoats in the basement he claimed belong to his mom. Does that make me a cis-ID?

lily wrote:

Why exclude the input from the many people who don't think a mom can work - It has to be a puff piece of journalism intended doesn't it?

I think it's the cool thing to discuss. 66% percent of us left MOMs marriages. We are in the majority. You're right that this is a puff piece. I found this one by Derek Arthur. My late XH wanted to have manicures. On its own it wouldn't upset me. His non-straight behavior and his request made it an issue

https://immj-china-vj.shorthandstories.com/week-11-men-at-the-salon/index.html
I couldn't find any pieces he produced for the NYT. Here's his hiring intro -
https://www.nytco.com/press/opinion-audios-newest-team-members/

(Perhaps he could interview Tongqi since he's fluent in Mandarin. It may be a nudge Our Path could make.)

lily wrote:

The thing I have been noticing recently is that there is a loud and strong narrative about how the battered wife will take her husband's side.  Not nearly so much of a narrative about how the battered husband does his wife's bidding.  it is a profound level of control and deceit to which men are just as vulnerable as we are.
 

lily, this is Stockholm Syndrome if you didn't know. It's a psychological condition which happens to some abuse and hostage victims when they have positive feelings toward an abuser or captor. It's named after a bank robbery/hostage taking incident in Stockholm, Sweden in the 1970s. The hostages were traumatized and sided with the robbers.

Sam, I know you're the messenger for OurPath. It's quite a coup to get interest from the New York Times. If you don't mind a mild chiding, your announcement could have been worded to fold in the interests of the majority of posters who are unwitting victims of LGBTQ+.  My feelings were hurt.
 


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

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