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October 11, 2021 4:44 pm  #51


Re: Wife of 10 years and 2 kids on our anniversary tells me she is queer

longwayhome wrote:

I agree you shouldn’t be outing her, but you can confide in someone in your own circle, no?

It’s may not feel like any of this is within your control, but it truly is. You need to make some decisions first. How long are you prepared to go on like this? I can tell you, they can and will keep it up much longer than you can. I’m two years in, he is still living in his denial. I’m not, you need to decide what you want and need in your life, if your wife can’t meet those dreams/wants, what are you going to do. Stay and live this or are you prepared to make some hard decisions and take the control of your life back. That’s my honest opinion of your situation.

Where do you go from here? Is the question I think you need to answer, answer it both ways. Then put a deadline in place to start implementing that end decision.

Be well, one day at a time.

I feel like I need to play the game.  I make all the money in this marriage she has now way to get out on her own.  If I turn this into a legal battle and file for divorce before she has a chance to get on her feet,  then I am stuck looking like the bad guy.  She can come after me for alimony and child support because lets face it the woman is always favored in court,  even if she is the one that  brought this all on.  I feel like having as many people in my corner to support me is best at this point.
 

 

October 11, 2021 7:51 pm  #52


Re: Wife of 10 years and 2 kids on our anniversary tells me she is queer

personally I feel like I am entitled to tell my story to whomever I want to.  My gidex made himself part of my story when he misled me into marriage.  I didn't rub his nose in it, I even used my silence with his family members as a bargaining chip to get a better result but no way was I going to keep his secret I literally Promised myself I would talk, on my own behalf.  Note of caution - it is entirely possible one of her parents is in the closet.

Yes you need a support team, as many people as you can and it might be wise to consult with a lawyer and see how your financial situation plays out.  Thinking that it will get easier with time might be wishful thinking.  It could get worse.  I was told here in Australia that as we had been married more than ten years it was considered a longterm marriage and I had more responsibility towards him.

Do you believe she really is going to become financially independent in the next little while?  

 

October 11, 2021 7:54 pm  #53


Re: Wife of 10 years and 2 kids on our anniversary tells me she is queer

lily wrote:

personally I feel like I am entitled to tell my story to whomever I want to.  My gidex made himself part of my story when he misled me into marriage.  I didn't rub his nose in it, I even used my silence with his family members as a bargaining chip to get a better result but no way was I going to keep his secret I literally Promised myself I would talk, on my own behalf.  Note of caution - it is entirely possible one of her parents is in the closet.

Yes you need a support team, as many people as you can and it might be wise to consult with a lawyer and see how your financial situation plays out.  Thinking that it will get easier with time might be wishful thinking.  It could get worse.  I was told here in Australia that as we had been married more than ten years it was considered a longterm marriage and I had more responsibility towards him.

Do you believe she really is going to become financially independent in the next little while?  

If you mean within the next year so I see her being financial dependent from me?  No I don't.

     Thread Starter
 

October 11, 2021 8:24 pm  #54


Re: Wife of 10 years and 2 kids on our anniversary tells me she is queer

what I am getting at is that unless she really is going to become financially independent in the next little while, next little while including maybe more than a year, then it could be less expensive to define the limits of your financial responsibility towards her sooner than later. 

Last edited by lily (October 11, 2021 8:27 pm)

 

October 22, 2021 1:08 pm  #55


Re: Wife of 10 years and 2 kids on our anniversary tells me she is queer

My wife brought up the idea of polyamory to a friend of hers.  Starting to wonder if my wife is Bi or leaning that way.  Has anyone here transitioned to a polyamory relationship?

I am not so sure I like the idea of sharing my spouse with another person.

     Thread Starter
 

October 22, 2021 1:57 pm  #56


Re: Wife of 10 years and 2 kids on our anniversary tells me she is queer

My stbx,, once a long, long time ago, very early in the marriage, he brought this topic up, in a very, very general way. I, at the time was dumbfounded. I never gave him a verbal answer. I just got up and left the conversation. I thought that was sufficiently answered. It was for me, it obviously wasn’t for him.

What are your thoughts on this topic? Is this what you signed up for?  It certainly wasn’t what I had signed up for.


I never cease to wonder at the cruelty of this land, but it seems a time of sadness is a time to understand, is it mine, oh lord is it mine, when everything is dark ….. Roger Hodgson. 
 

October 22, 2021 2:04 pm  #57


Re: Wife of 10 years and 2 kids on our anniversary tells me she is queer

It's diffently not what I signed up for. She has not brought it up to me in serious conversation.  Brought it up in passing on occasion.  We are starting therapy together in a couple weeks so we will see how it goes.

I am just wanting to know if anyone out there sucessfully transitioned to something like that?  I am resistant as I am a selfish straight mono male and don't want to share my spouse.

It's a weird feeling when your spouse tells you that she loves you but that she does not know if she is in love with you.

     Thread Starter
 

October 22, 2021 3:01 pm  #58


Re: Wife of 10 years and 2 kids on our anniversary tells me she is queer

omg please tell me you are only joking in describing yourself as selfish!

Let me translate - mentioning polyamory in passing = wants to have sex with her girlfriend without feeling like she is cheating.

The idea of remaining married and having a lover on the side is something generation after generation have tried.  In France it's a tradition.

The trouble for you is that you love your wife.  

Embrace that weird feeling you get when you take on board she is incapable of feeling like that about you.



 

 

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