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October 13, 2021 11:48 am  #1


Just a Journal of 30+ years living with a spouse in the closet

I really appreciate this forum and have been impressed with the discussions and help offered. It's a wonderful site.

This is just a journal of my married life of over 30 years to a very, very beautiful woman. I have always and will always love her. However as per the subject of this forum, I also had to live with a very limited sex life. The first couple years were normal but even then if we watched racy videos together, when the lesbian scene would come on she would almost forget I was there, so I had my suspicions even back then. However each to their own and it did not bother me at the time. Then the sex started to wane after a couple years with much looking in the mirror with self examination as to why this was happening. Any attempt to discuss would be "aggressively" scoffed at and I would be accused of being a sex maniac. So I would just bring flowers, and do my best to be romantic and though she was receptive to the attention, capping the night off with intimacy was not in the cards. Four years into our marriage we had our son. My wife soon after went into a severe postpartum depression without treatment as she refused it. That changed her and after that our sex life was once a year at best and it was obvious, she was not into it.
This mostly sexless marriage lasted for 30 years until separation. After separation she went to a LGBT restaurant a couple times as she told me about it but again denied it had anything to do with her sexual preferences, as she just liked the food and she was just following a friend. So I think she was testing the waters but I think she is a little too anxious to take the next step.
We now have a good relationship as a separated couple and I look after her house for her, mow the lawns, do the upkeep, but part of me would be happy for her if she found a compatible partner for what time on this earth we have left. She's been in denial for most of her adult life. As for me, I would have mixed feelings if she embraced that lifestyle but if she would become a happier person as a result then I would be extremely happy for her. I'm far too burnt out to start another relationship and I still care for her. I still give her a cuddle when the opportunity arises but ... cuddle only.
She's a beautiful person inside and out, and she has been a wonderful mother to our son. I do love her and I want her to be happy.

No specific message or ask for help. It was just therapeutic to write this out.

 

October 13, 2021 6:12 pm  #2


Re: Just a Journal of 30+ years living with a spouse in the closet

You sound like you have been an exemplary, loyal and loving husband under sometimes difficult circumstances. Well done, you.

 

October 13, 2021 10:57 pm  #3


Re: Just a Journal of 30+ years living with a spouse in the closet

Hello Tunnsie,

I am glad you found us, wrote your story down and you feel better for it. Take care and write again when you want.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

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