OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
- walkbymyself
- Member
Offline
Re: Still a beard post divorce
People don't care and very likely prefer not to hear about your marital issues. So the only reason he would bring it up is to manipulate you.
I was listening to a completely unrelated podcast yesterday, and a very interesting point was made: that there's a difference between "embarassment" and "shame". My XH had endless capacity to imagine he was being embarassed, but zero capacity to feel shame. The difference is, "shame" is what you feel even if there's no audience and nobody's watching. "Embarassment" always requires an audience.
Your husband is embarassed to be gay, but he's not ashamed of having manipulated you.
- NewFly
- Member
Offline
Re: Still a beard post divorce
walkbymyself wrote:
Your husband is embarrassed to be gay, but he's not ashamed of having manipulated you.
I think this more than anything else sums up the situation rather than me "turning him gay". He is hanging on to that beard because if he shaves it off he will be revealed to be a liar or a fraud.
longwayhome I am not required to be on call 24/7 for work so I don't really need to respond to work texts. He can use work channels to contact me. It even happened a few times I was on the phone with him that someone from work was contacting me through Skype or VoIP.
Our adult son who lives with me is the emergency contact, so I am not really sure why he called me first especially since I was not on the hospital's visitor list. Why call me me if I can't do anything? He even put my sister on his visitor list (she thought it was strange).
- •
Thread Starter- MJM017
- Member
Offline
Re: Still a beard post divorce
Hi,
You've gotten great suggestions from OOHC, walk. elle, Rob, Soaplife and longwayhome!
My late GIDXH was a scary fellow but pulled low-level strange antics post-separation and divorce. He claimed to be in a hospital emergency room and happened to find a computer to email me from. His lady friend emailed me saying he was in ER; I needed to call. My bs meter went on high. Ignored it. Contacted no one. I would receive word from our health insurance if true. This "er visit" never appeared on statements.
You know your situation best, but your ex sounds like an annoying pest at most. He may be lonely and between boyfriends. He may be envious you are doing so well without him. Whatever the reason, it's no excuse to invade your privacy.
Is he reaching you via Skype For Business? Just a reminder, you can set your status to "Do Not Disturb" or "Unavailable" during non-work hours.
It took a lot of practice to not respond to my ex. He gave me many opportunities to exercise this since he was dogged in trying to keep me a part of his life. He did finally get the message that I wouldn't be throwing any grease on his squeaky wheel. I know your GXH will reach that point too!
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa