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July 7, 2021 11:04 am  #1


Older Man who is incapacitated by diabetes urological treatments

Has anyone experience with a bigoted late 70's age man who functioned sexually until he developed diabetes, had stents inserted, treatments for urological cancer, inactive thyroid (taking supplements), and surgery for his prostate or  any mix of these now becoming obsessed with black men and their dicks including fucking him.  He still claims is worships women and follows those sites as well as claims he wants me to be his Domme.  (as well as follow his rules which I don't as I don't believe he should be able pick and choose).  We have been married since the early 60's.  A psychologist suggested it was abuse (not physically)  as an adopted baby (3 mothers by toddler age).   He is very bright, would not consciously remember any of that.  He has had an induced coma and not 100%  but maybe 90% processing mentally these days.  Claims he doesn't listen, but he can't hear now without focusing on listening, as doesn't wear his hearing aids until dinner.  

 

July 7, 2021 2:25 pm  #2


Re: Older Man who is incapacitated by diabetes urological treatments

aphroditie wrote:

Has anyone experience with a bigoted late 70's age man who functioned sexually until he developed diabetes, had stents inserted, treatments for urological cancer, inactive thyroid (taking supplements), and surgery for his prostate or  any mix of these now becoming obsessed with black men and their dicks including fucking him.  He still claims is worships women and follows those sites as well as claims he wants me to be his Domme.  (as well as follow his rules which I don't as I don't believe he should be able pick and choose).  We have been married since the early 60's.  A psychologist suggested it was abuse (not physically)  as an adopted baby (3 mothers by toddler age).   He is very bright, would not consciously remember any of that.  He has had an induced coma and not 100%  but maybe 90% processing mentally these days.  Claims he doesn't listen, but he can't hear now without focusing on listening, as doesn't wear his hearing aids until dinner.  

 

Sounds like you're dealing with somebody who's obsessed with sex while dealing with all the medical issues. 
Sounds like a handful..!!........But how is this affecting you? Are you safe? Do you feel in charge of your life?

Elle


 


KIA KAHA                       
 

July 7, 2021 3:21 pm  #3


Re: Older Man who is incapacitated by diabetes urological treatments

Yes, how are you handling all of this?

Diabetes can cause ED, but you seem to indicate he is meeting other men for sex? Not sure. by what you are describing,

Perhaps his Ed is only with women??


I can almost see it, That dream I'm dreaming...There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move...The Climb - Miley Cyrus
 

July 7, 2021 9:06 pm  #4


Re: Older Man who is incapacitated by diabetes urological treatments

Hi Aphroditie,

My thinking from reading your post is that he is having a sort of late life crisis, similar to a mid life crisis.  Yes ill health and age play into it but as far as I can determine one's orientation and position are stable in life regardless of all the factors you mentioned.

My ex had a mid life crisis in his 50's when his father died.  He had been depressed before that.  We stopped having sex in our 40's.

With his childhood background I can see how you would have cut your husband a lot of slack but all the openly gay people say you are born gay.  Even when they hid it they knew they were gay.  The idea that abuse causes gayness is based in the idea of brain plasticity but there does appear to be limits to this.  Instinctively I know I'm not going to wake up gay one day.  And I am not going to wake up a dominatrix either.

You sound like you have loved your husband a lot and might have been sidelining your own emotional needs in order to please him.  I know I did that.  So please look after yourself first right now.

 

July 8, 2021 9:57 am  #5


Re: Older Man who is incapacitated by diabetes urological treatments

Hello Aphroditie,

He has a host of serious medical conditions (heart, hypothyroidism, cancer, prostrate disease, diabetes). That's a lot to handle at any age.  He may have given himself a poor prognosis, and has decided to come out of the closet.

I would think he'd have ED due to age and poor health. Viagra would be a dangerous drug for him to take. His blood pressure would go through the roof.

I would be upset hearing about a sudden interest in men along with stress about his poor health.  What can he do though? Can he walk, does he drive, can he see?

If this were me, I'd predict the likelihood of him cheating. If you haven't already, get counseling for yourself to deal with the stress of care giving and his sudden interest in men.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

July 9, 2021 7:39 am  #6


Re: Older Man who is incapacitated by diabetes urological treatments

Aphrodite,
Has your husband been evaluated for Alzheimer's and/or dementia?  You're describing some of the signs, including change in behavior and aggression.  The sudden interest in black men (especially since you state that he is bigoted) is strange.  Also, I have read that people are at greater risk for Alzheimer's when they have a hearing problem, which you also described. 

Good luck, I am sad for you.  

 

July 9, 2021 4:21 pm  #7


Re: Older Man who is incapacitated by diabetes urological treatments

Thks.  Hasn't met gay men, just communicated with strange men and got blocked by me. As a result no social media permitted.  Takes daily minimal cialis for body strength .5 mg.  Handful.  Claims to adore and love women and that we are superior etc in constant e mails to me. Too early for alz diagnosis.  He volunteered to be a a study.....they never called. almost jekyll and hyde.  I feel physcially safe.  Just know he is a mess.  and diabetes does not help mood swings.  He can be interesting but I am the safe one to blame for all his frustrations caused by life and business and computers etc.  Just wondered if anyone had any experiece with late life crisis.  Dar*** old men.  I have friends whos husbands are loosing memory and hearing a bit too and that is depressing to any man.  His blood pressure is not very high.  

     Thread Starter
 

July 9, 2021 4:42 pm  #8


Re: Older Man who is incapacitated by diabetes urological treatments

aphroditie, It sounds like its his own frustration he is taking out on you. That you feel physical safe is the most important thing, remember

Put some parental controls on that computer and give him back his access to the computer. The computer can allow access to only certain sites, you set them and control them. It might ease some of his frustrations.

Be well, take care.

Edited to add: The parental controls on the computer could perhaps also provide you with some quiet time.

Last edited by longwayhome (August 20, 2021 11:26 am)


I can almost see it, That dream I'm dreaming...There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move...The Climb - Miley Cyrus
 

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