Hi everyone, 

Short intro - I am 35, saw my GIDH asking men out twice in 2014/2015. I did not ascribe it to him being gay, then the sex vacuum and I saw him watching porn in 2019. We have been separated since 2020 January. 

Last month after months of indecision on filing my papers, I wanted to try again before moving to another country. Could you not call me a fool? I went back for two weeks or more. He was happy emotional, treating me almost like I wanted when we were married but then no erection. He says he tries, but I feel his body rejects me. All through, I kept initiating sex for 99%, then afterwards, it simmered down. He wouldn't even allow me, making excuses. I wonder if anyone else felt this sexual rejection?

Anyway, to the crux of the matter now. His parents feel I am too ambitious for wanting to move to another country to further my career. Now, they want me to stay back. I have been bidding my time and peace not to need child custody battles until I leave. For Eg, we amicably went to the embassy for visas. But yesterday, he came unannounced and took the kids for a visit. I allowed it as they haven't been with him for a year. But I was also scared if that was a strategy to get them from me. My friend, who is a lawyer, approves of this bidding time approach till we leave our legal system takes a long time. 

As for the marriage, I stupidly wanted to try long-distance MOM, but even his people - parents and siblings alike are very patriarchal. SO they have said it is divorce or a job. 

I still feel a bit like a failure despite knowing it was not my fault. I am about 40lbs overweight. I am an emotional eater. I am somewhat scared of moving abroad and starting a new job with a special child. I used to be afraid of being single forever. I am getting used to the idea, though. Sometimes I miss loving him.