OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?

July 7, 2020 2:52 pm  #21

Re: Looks like I am crazy

Hi Lily,

Betrayal Trauma: The phrase "betrayal trauma" can be used to refer to a kind of trauma independent of the reaction to the trauma. Freyd (2008): Betrayal trauma occurs when the people or institutions on which a person depends for survival significantly violate that person’ s trust or well-being: Childhood physical, emotional, or sexual abuse perpetrated by a caregiver are examples of betrayal trauma.

Betrayal Trauma Theory: Sivers, Schooler, & Freyd (2002): A theory that predicts that the degree to which a negative event represents a betrayal by a trusted needed other will influence the way in which that events is [sic] processed and remembered.

Betrayal Blindness and Institutional Betrayal: Betrayal blindness is the unawareness, not-knowing, and forgetting exhibited by people towards betrayal. The term "betrayal blindness" was introduced by Freyd (1996), and expanded in Freyd (1999) and Freyd and Birrell (2013) in the context of Betrayal Trauma Theory. This blindness may extend to betrayals that are not traditionally considered "traumas," such as adultery, inequities in the workplace and society, etc. Victims, perpetrators, and witnesses may display betrayal blindness in order to preserve relationships, institutions, and social systems upon which they depend.

This write-up from traumapractice.net is very concise in outlining tri-phasic approach. Tri-phasic is very effective for betrayal trauma and complex trauma with zero emphasis on co-addict/co-dependent.

Using a comprehensive three phase approach, the client is:
Given a sense of emotional and physiological Stabilization prior to moving into
Remembrance and Mourning, which we will now refer to as Trauma Memory Processing, and then
Reconnection with communities and with meaningful activities and behaviors.

Phase 1: Safety and StabilizationThe central task of recovery is safety. People who have experienced trauma often feel betrayed both by what has happened to them as well as their own bodies. Their symptoms become the source of triggers that result in re-traumatization. This can leave the individual feeling both emotionally and physically out of control. Getting the right help to regain internal and external control is a primary focus of this phase. This is accomplished through careful diagnosis, education and skills development. The safety section of phase one, is focused on skills development to aid you to practice self-soothing and care skills to increase emotional and behavioral stabilization. In cases where you remain in an unsafe environment, plans to establish personal and practical safety remain the focus prior to delving into trauma memory processing work. The overriding goal is to make a gradual shift from danger that is unpredictable to a situation where you can rely on safety both in your environment and within yourself. Accomplishing this goal depends on the circumstances as well as your internal ability to cope with exposure to trauma memories and may take days, weeks, or months to achieve. In some cases, individuals may remain in the emotional safety and stabilization phase indefinitely while they work on establishing physical safety. Although we do encourage clients to work through their trauma memories this must be done in a respectful manner with the mutual consent of both client and therapist. 

Phase 2: Trauma Memory ProcessingIn the second phase of recovery you will begin to work more deeply with exercises to work-through trauma history bringing unbearable memories to greater resolution. Because of the nature of traumatic memories, this process is rarely linear. Bits and pieces of the traumatic events emerge and can be processed. The objective is to create a space in which you can safely work through traumatic events and begin to make sense of the devastating experiences that have shaped your life. A good therapeutic relationship should provide you with a compassionate companion who will "bear witness" to your experiences, and help you to find the strength to heal. Using exercises that are designed for trauma memory processing.There are many excellent Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques that fit well within this stage of trauma memory processing. In addition, there are newer approaches such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Time-Limited Trauma Therapy (TLTT), Layering, and Traumatic Incident Reduction (TIR) that have proven to be helpful in trauma memory processing. 

Phase 3: ReconnectionThe final stage of recovery involves redefining oneself in the context of meaningful relationships and engagement in life activities. Trauma survivors gain closure on their experiences when they are able to see the things that happened to them with the knowledge that these events do not determine who they are. Trauma survivors are liberated by the conviction that, regardless of what else happens to them, they always have themselves. Many survivors are also sustained by an abiding faith in a higher power that they believe delivered them from oppressive terror. In many instances survivors find a "mission" through which they can continue to heal and to grow. They may even end up helping others with similar histories of abuse and neglect. Successful resolution of the effects of trauma is a powerful testament to the indomitability of the human spirit. Once Phase 2 of Trauma Practice is completed, personality that has been shaped through trauma must then be given the opportunity for new growth experiences that offer the hope of a widening circle of connections and the exploration of a broader range of interests.

Dr.Kevin Skinner's Ted Talk is very easy to follow and watch. He gives clear explanation of betrayal trauma and how clinicians are unprepared to deal with those suffering.

There's a lot of information to weed through out there. It seems overwhelming at times.

Last edited by Lyonene (July 7, 2020 2:58 pm)


July 7, 2020 6:46 pm  #22

Re: Looks like I am crazy

thanks, that was very helpful, I will watch the TED talk next.  I seem to be going in the right direction, there is a steady improvement in the amount of sleep I am getting in one go now - from three to four and now a good 5hr sleep is feeling really good.  Looking forward to getting back to my normal 7 hr stretch though.  I have just bought a wet suit so I'm also looking forward to a good swim.



Board footera


Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum