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    July 1, 2020 3:52 pm  #11

    Virion
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    Re: He came out-Now wants to go back in

    Thanks to everyone who replied, your empathy and stories have been completely insightful and this whole site is a lifesaver
    His Bi Polar is mild, he is medicated and very much controlled. He gets bouts of depression  usually I have discovered, after he has been viewing porn and is guilty and gaslighting me by picjking fights and withdrawing for a week at a time (THANKS FORUM)
    The abuse some of you have suffered is horrendous .Thankfully I have not been exposed to sexual abuse, he asked me to use sex toys and I said no, he wants me to talk about men while he masturbates thats about as far as it goes
    We are still at stalemate- changes every day,   -he cant help it/should go to- hes in love with me can he have an odd hook up and carry on as normal -didnt take a No to that very well either!
    I cry all the time ....this pisses him off cos its hard on him too right?
    But yes I see the pattern , the denial , the honeymoon period post disclosure, now the uncertainty and gaslighting
    This is a nightmare.We are in separate therapy ...all i do is cry and rage..

     

     

    July 1, 2020 4:50 pm  #12

    Ellexoh_nz
    Member

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    Re: He came out-Now wants to go back in

    Virion wrote:

    ................I cry all the time ....this pisses him off cos its hard on him too right?
    But yes I see the pattern , the denial , the honeymoon period post disclosure, now the uncertainty and gaslighting
    This is a nightmare.We are in separate therapy ...all i do is cry and rage.....

     

    This is your emotion, your tears, your sadness. Don't ever let your man think he has a right to NOT know this makes you distraught. If he can't handle seeing you upset does he deserve to be with you when you are? You have to get through the storm, to the other side of it...before you understand the storm and your place in it and how it'll make you stronger. You will start to change your focus from what's going on with him....to how what is happening with him is affecting you, because until you make the switch to seeing your importance in this is as great as his he'll always think he deserves more than you. 

    Elle

     

    KIA KAHA                       
     

    July 2, 2020 8:39 pm  #13

    MJM017
    Member

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    Re: He came out-Now wants to go back in

    Virion wrote:

    Thanks to everyone who replied, your empathy and stories have been completely insightful and this whole site is a lifesaver
    His Bi Polar is mild, he is medicated and very much controlled. He gets bouts of depression  usually I have discovered, after he has been viewing porn and is guilty and gaslighting me by picjking fights and withdrawing for a week at a time (THANKS FORUM)  

    Virion, 

    I am sorry about your pain and sadness.

    Just reiterating the other wise posts below.  This guy is as gay and angry as can be. Yes, it will break out again. You'll always be the battering ram. The gay doesn't go away. It's like having brown eyes and putting in blue contacts. The world thinks you have blue eyes, but they'll always be brown.

    How can someone who causes you deep psychological trauma love you? No, he doesn't. Can you stay in love with him?

    This is beyond what any person or marriage should tolerate.  Protect yourself. It may be worth of it to think of separating if not divorcing.

    No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
     

     

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