thanks Elle.  yes one little microbe has changed the world, hasn't it.  it is strange for all of us.

and finally something that demands attention beyond the split in the human psyche that is expressed in a MOM.  I don't see that term as a label - it's simply what it is, mixed orientation marriage.  

For me the pain of being in a MOM is receding into the past.  The consequences still hurt as much as ever but that scrudgy pain is gone, and went from day one of moving out.  I did 15 years sleeping on the sofa before I left so I know it goes beyond the bed.  It is the emotionality of a MOM - and it goes more and more toxic.  stopping the physical relations helped enormously but it wasn't until I moved into my own home that that pain and confusion of a MOM stopped.  

 

All,

Just wanted to give a big sincere, remote, warm e-hug to folks going though this during this no social contact time.

I know when I was going through this a touch on my shoulder in church, because i looked that sad, was enough to make me cry. 

E-hugs here are remote and distant but sincere and authentic with well wishes and no hidden agenda.   Worth so much more than the fake ones these spouses give or withhold.

Rob wrote:

.....Just wanted to give a big sincere, remote, warm e-hug to folks going though this during this no social contact time

 

Cheers Rob. I miss my grandson most
Warmth to you all. Stay safe, and  well but most importantly....be kind 

Elle
 

lily wrote:

beware the blah!...what's beneath the beige exterior, or rather what isn't there - the most painful thing we straight spouses put up with imo is being starved of affection.  
I think it's a major factor in our loss of self worth, not just the blah sex. 

There is no sex. My self worth took a leap forward when I said "no I don't want you" 

lily wrote:

...they are talking about closing down the beaches here now.  like serious don't go out at all lockdown.  Hope that doesn't happen.  It's not like there's that many people on it and everyone is social distancing.  it's so nice to be able to go down there.  

We are in a "don't go out at all except for essentials like local exercise, medical needs or to buy food" We have police patrolling our streets (unheard of!) The 1st death from Covid19 in NZ happened today. People are exercising with distancing, some aren't though
 

We have been in full shelter in place since March 17.   I used to attend church daily to help heal, but those were closed on March 18. I am making do with YouTube, Netflix & waving at neighbors. Yesterday, we were told to exercise & shop only in our neighborhood. Otherwise, stay home. I don’t mind these precautions because they will save lives.

The lack of the tangible intangibles (like deep love, warmth, affection, respect, honesty) from GIDXH was heartbreaking.  He was faking it from top to bottom. I was not.

It’s wrong and immoral to know you are not straight & cover it up. That thought is accelerating my healing. I am thinking less of him.

I have a ways to go. I feel so much better lately though. I was hurting myself with the notions  society did this to him; it’s no one’s fault.  It was his fault.

Last edited by MJM017 (March 29, 2020 4:22 pm)