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February 16, 2020 1:27 pm  #1


"It's too late"

"Tell me how I can be more empathetic"
"it's too late, you broke the one thing that made our togetherness successful...my trust"


There was much more that was said before this but last night I could hold it in no longer, and when he said that it made sense for him to move out, and me to stay in the apartment....I said " but that just keeps me tied to you! "

It's been 3 years. I reckon I gave it all I have to try to fit myself back into and be comfortable in the easy companionship our 35 years had developed into. If it wasn't for the 5% of him that wanted other things the 95% of Us may not have been tarnished

I no longer belong on the MOM board

Elle


KIA KAHA (STAY STRONG)                       
 

February 17, 2020 8:39 am  #2


Re: "It's too late"

Yes..our marriages and friendships were built on trust..fierce trust.

When they broke that it leaves this paranoia..it made me shake and question reality.  To me,it was malevolent and evil.

I surround myself now with  honest people..they say what they mean and mean what they say.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

February 17, 2020 10:53 am  #3


Re: "It's too late"

I felt like I didn't belong on the MOM board because in my marriage, I was the only one who was actually married.

 

February 17, 2020 11:37 am  #4


Re: "It's too late"

Rob wrote:

Yes..our marriages and friendships were built on trust..fierce trust.
When they broke that it leaves this paranoia..it made me shake and question reality.  To me,it was malevolent and evil..

I don’t have the words for how horrible it was. All I can think of is vicious.

He destroyed all aspects of my life. That’s taking a lot of work and pain to rebuild. I was hoping that after the divorce and his death things would be easier.

I will continue to work at trusting again.  I don’t want to lose hope and have him win.

Last edited by MJM017 (February 17, 2020 3:13 pm)

 

February 18, 2020 1:37 pm  #5


Re: "It's too late"

walkbymyself wrote:

I felt like I didn't belong on the MOM board because in my marriage, I was the only one who was actually married.

 

It was finally saying "I don't want you (sexually) anymore" that allowed me space to process my situation. 

To tick off another box to qualify for financial support I wrote and signed "I am no longer in a relationship with XXXX" 
This is new, scary and changes, ultimately,who I am, to myself and others. But I am seeing it as day by day, step by step
 


KIA KAHA (STAY STRONG)                       
     Thread Starter
 

February 19, 2020 1:23 pm  #6


Re: "It's too late"

I know the life I lead.....my world as I know it....has to change. And I'm having to call on a reserve of strength I didn't realise I would have to call on.

Every morning I put on my "Everything's okay" face, for the friends and family who have no idea what it happening or what I'm planning...
.....but I'm waiting for the day I don't have to wear a mask, and slightly worried I'll become somebody else I won't recognise

 


KIA KAHA (STAY STRONG)                       
     Thread Starter
 

February 23, 2020 12:45 pm  #7


Re: "It's too late"

I feel so empty. The one person I could rely on to put his arms around me.....I won't allow to touch me. And this allows him to stand back and appear not to give a damn. Cold bastard. 

I hate that this has happened. I'm going to be alone....my family doesn't realise how important my connection with them is, and my fear of being alone, but I can't tell them because if I do this will all come out into the open and I'm not ready for that finality yet. 

Thanks for listening/reading. I was woken at 4am by workers putting up scaffolding....with an irate email sent to the local council..but afterwards my thoughts turned inevitably to the hopelessness of my current situation. Wanting out yet being in a holding pattern.


KIA KAHA (STAY STRONG)                       
     Thread Starter
 

February 23, 2020 2:15 pm  #8


Re: "It's too late"

"My advice to you—breathe in, breathe deep, feel all of it, cry it out, laugh it out, embrace every single feeling. One day it all starts to feel normal again, and one day your heart will be open. You cannot wish it away no matter how hard you try. Setbacks are part of the process. Allow yourself the space to feel horribly sad and then pick up and keep going. It doesn’t matter what direction you are going in, just move." ~Margaret Christy

"
 You cannot wish it away no matter how hard you try "

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (February 23, 2020 2:16 pm)


KIA KAHA (STAY STRONG)                       
     Thread Starter
 

February 24, 2020 12:47 pm  #9


Re: "It's too late"

More than ever now I see & feel a clear and hurtful detachment of our situation on the part of the man I'm living with. I look back to times when we would argue, and it was invariably me who made the first move to amend/apologise. This time however...when I said "I don't want you....I don't want anybody" and he stormed off to sleep in the lounge....I do believe he was waiting for me to give in and ask him back. I didn't, and except for one night when he asked "have you not even thought of my needs (sexual)" he has done NOTHING. Seems to accept it, which to me is crazy but is, inevitably, making it easier to separate myself from everything we've shared


KIA KAHA (STAY STRONG)                       
     Thread Starter
 

February 24, 2020 1:57 pm  #10


Re: "It's too late"

Ellexoh,

Please reach out to your family..they are there to support you...a family,should if they are any good.


My gx discarded me and stopped all physical contact while she was cheating..it was bizarre ..trying to hide an affair but at the same time distancing herself.   As I accepted and detached her anger grew more and more.  Like you i was always the one to apologize but this time i could find nothing to apologize for.  Its amazing how they expect us to apologize,and empathize with a situation that they created..like they are Gods or something.

Dettaching and distancing yourself is necessary..its necessary for safety and sanity.  It looks similar to but is not us rejecting them.  It is a natural reaponse to being hurt.  Its hard for us empaths to do but it is necessary.   There's no need to argue..no need to yell.


Stand your ground,  reach out to your family.  Know that this is not something you created..


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

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