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February 3, 2018 4:52 am  #1

Do Gay men keep nude pics of other men on PC if not gay?

My partner of 15 yrs is a recovering alcoholic and impotent for as long as I've known him.  We live together and I've found a few pics of penises on his PC plus one of himself(penis only) in our bedroom.  I also found where he had solicited sex on Craig's List and confronted him on this w/him saying he was just breaking chops.  We have no sexual relationship at all. Being 65 yrs old, I'm not that interested in sex but feel totally deceived and betrayed.  He adamantly denied being gay so is it possible a man just does this for entertainment and doesn't actually somehow have some sort of sexual "hook-up" if he can't perform?  This happened a few years ago and it was a real blow up but has been swept under the rug and never talked about again.  He doesn't disappear or do anything else which makes me suspicious.  He's never been married and same age as I am.  I own my own home and he lives here paying 1/2 of everything. Do gay men still fear coming out of the closet in this day and age?  Please shed some light on this bc I'm sure I'm living in denial here!  Of course, he is fantastic in every other way of this "relationship".


February 3, 2018 8:19 am  #2

Re: Do Gay men keep nude pics of other men on PC if not gay?

Yes, gay men and lesbian women to still fear coming out in this day and age.  There is still a stigma and a lot of people treat LGBT people poorly. 

If he is welcome to have sex with you but choses gay porn and potentially hookups on craigslist, he's gay.  

It sounds like the shortcoming in your relationship is intimacy, which isn't really a big deal for you.  The honestly part is, but not the sex itself.  If you are willing to continue your relationship with a gay man, perhaps you should let him know that if he'll be honest with you, your relationship can still continue, perhaps improve even. 

-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 


February 8, 2018 6:20 pm  #3

Re: Do Gay men keep nude pics of other men on PC if not gay?

​So would the pic of a penis be enough to know he is gay or could this be some fetish other than being gay?  I don't know if I'm in denial but do know when I confronted him awhile ago, he adamantly denied(which after reading stories here is common).  I actually don't get that since I told him the sex isn't important to me, then why would he be so afraid of confiding in me.  We have no sex and little affection.  I know that's difficult for some to "settle" for but it works for me so again, confused on why he would be so defensive?

thank you for your responses here!


February 9, 2018 4:40 pm  #4

Re: Do Gay men keep nude pics of other men on PC if not gay?

Hi D&L - I'm sorry you find yourself here.  I have a question...what does breaking chops mean? 

My ex gay in denial husband had 100s of pics of himself and his, uh, "equipment" on our computer.  My question was always: where are these going?  He would say they were for me.  After I said I really don't have any interest in seeing pics of your junk he would say: they're just to be funny and make you laugh (this was after I made the mistake of laughing).  From then on he used that as an excuse to do it. 

In your situation, I'd say the pictures matter less and the Craig's list ad matters more.  Way way more.  When someone has progressed to that point there really is no question as to whether or not he's gay.  It doesn't matter what he wants to label it.  Don't get caught up in the labels.  I got caught there for years trying to pin a label on it or explain it away.  When it comes down to it, he's soliciting sex on the internet.  It doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman or a flamingo.  What he's doing is not ok. 

Keep posting.  we're here.


February 9, 2018 4:51 pm  #5

Re: Do Gay men keep nude pics of other men on PC if not gay?

Gay in denial people don't admit to being gay because they don't want to be gay - for whatever reason.  They could have every person in their life be supportive (which usually isn't the case) and still not want to admit it because they view gay people as X, and they're not X, so they can't be gay.  Maybe they think that gay men are seen as feminine, and they would never want to be viewed that way, so they can't say they're gay.  Their reasons don't really have to make sense to anyone (maybe they don't even make sense even to them).  We have no idea if maybe someone overheard their parents talking when they were three about how gay people are weak, or gross, or sinners.  And they forevermore see themselves as not ever wanting to be sick, because they themselves would consider themselves gross or disgusting.  We.just.don't.know.  Only they (if anyone) know.

I agree with Still Wondering - it's not really about the label.  It's about him soliciting sex on the internet.  It doesn't matter that you're not having sex with him or not if he's breaking his vows to you by soliciting from others - be they man or woman.  He's being dishonest with you, and he's lying about it.  It's not about whether you need sex from him to be happy.  Do you need honesty from him to be happy? Do you need faithfulness?  What do you need?  Are you getting it?


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

February 9, 2018 8:19 pm  #6

Re: Do Gay men keep nude pics of other men on PC if not gay?

I don't think straight men keep nude pics of other men on their PC or seek them out.

“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer

February 10, 2018 8:30 pm  #7

Re: Do Gay men keep nude pics of other men on PC if not gay?

Thanx for your responses here.  As Kel said, I guess I have to know exactly what I need/want from this relationship and what I'll settle for.  There are reasons for staying and it all comes down to what my expectations are and what will be enough to want to stay...


February 11, 2018 9:28 pm  #8

Re: Do Gay men keep nude pics of other men on PC if not gay?

I know this is probably not the platform to discuss this and if anyone can shed some light by sending me a private message, please do so.  I am curious if anyone here has had success in tracking their spouse either via phone or pc to get the concrete proof they need to make a decision?  I know from discovering nude pics on his pc and his adamant denial that the truth will not come from him.  If someone can help me choose a company that can offer me accurate tracking devices and how they work, please give me some info on this.  I never thought I'd stoop to this but find it necessary to make my decision.  Also, would he be able to find out IF he is being tracked?  I've check his history on the pc and he's probably wiping it clean.


February 12, 2018 10:00 pm  #9

Re: Do Gay men keep nude pics of other men on PC if not gay?

To: Still Wondering...in answer to your question, "what does breaking chops" mean?  I think when I found him red-handed w/those pics on his pc and soliciting Craig's List personals, he was caught by surprise and somehow tried to imply that he was offended by gay men and trying to screw w/their heads in some strange way.  That ridiculous and nonsensical ans. just made me realize he was lying even more.  He really had nothing to defend himself with and that was the first thought that he could come up with, is my guess. Right now, I'm assuming he IS gay bc things do add up at this point and it's process of elimination and it's difficult staying out of denial and have seriously entertained the thought of spying on him.  He's never abusive and treats me great in other areas of this relationship.  I DID make him realize that if this continued or I found out he ever brings anyone here, he's history.  We have a lot vested in this relationship so I guess I'm buying time for now.


February 12, 2018 10:42 pm  #10

Re: Do Gay men keep nude pics of other men on PC if not gay?

Someone on the old board also had their husband say they were breaking or busting someone's chops. It's a fast excuse when caught cruising Craig's List or similar places and it throws on a veneer of masculinity. Basically he's claiming that he's not looking for hook-ups. Instead he's engaging with gay guys to get them thinking they are going to get a hook-up and then hitting them with 'the truth' or being a no-show, doing it just for the LOL's. I think most straight guys have better things to do with their time.

“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer

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