Thank you everyone for your advice and insight.......               
                          i have read alot of posts on here and i guess i am lucky in the aspect that H has come out to me....i did not have to find out by accident or have him deny it forever and yes i believe that does help, H was also an emotional wreck for many months prior to telling me, i really think he is dealing with a severe midlife crisis more than he is dealing with coming to terms with his sexuality......even after telling me it has not really resolved all of his other issues like the depression, i asked if he felt like a weight had been lifted now that he told me and he said not really.
                     H said he has been trying to tell me for almost 2 years and that he wanted to tell me first before anyone else because he wants to make sure that i am ok, then he will get himself together, and then when he is happy and settled into his new life and comfortable he will tell other people because he said once he is happy he won't care what other people think......H said he will not push me out of our house or force a sale because he wants me to have time to heal and get myself together, i also suspect that he is not completely ready to sever our ties because he has always relied on me and i on him and i think he feels some sense of security knowing that i will still be there somehow, right now i feel the same way..... he will be the one to leave and is currently looking for an apartment close to the house so he can still come by to take care of the yard work and other things if needed......
                 H said he has never cheated and has never been with a man but he has had these feeling his whole life and just tried to stuff them down...said he never meant to hurt me and really thought he could go his whole life and be happy with me but things just changed over the years and life is short and he wants to see if he acts on these feelings then maybe he can be truly happy.......i don't know if H is seeing anyone steadily but he does text and talk to to people that i do not know and he did go to a movie with a guy, he told me about it and said it wasn't a date, (sounds like a date to me)  but just someone he is getting to know and enjoys his company.
            My life has changed so drastically in the past year and i can't even believe its real.....i feel i am doing ok considering the bomb that has been dropped on me, maybe it is because H is finally being honest with me? or because i went through the worst of my shock and grief last year when he dropped the first bomb on me, that's when he seemingly changed over night, turned into a monster and blamed me for everything, treated me like trash and basically rejected me and i was at such a loss as to know why, i lost 18 pounds and couldn't eat or sleep or breathe and he was leaving and he wanted a divorce, blah,blah,blah....that went on for 6 months then he calmed down..........i recently asked him why he calmed down and he said that he saw how it was killing me so he tried again to ignore his homosexual feelings but realized he just couldn't....now that he has come out it is clearer to me why he was the way he was, i am not mad that he betrayed me all these years because i know he did love me the best he could and didn't set out to hurt me....i am mad though over the fact he treated me like shit last year and basically blamed me for everything wrong in his life, however, i know now that that is classic midlife crisis behavior and even now he is still in it because we have talked and he still really can't apologize, not yet, he is still caught up in the narcissistic behaviors that go with the crisis............
        even though i know it is for the best i don't want H to move out....i am scared, scared to be alone and of feeling lonely, and i don't know what to say to say to people....just wondering how others got through those initial days of being left behind and how long did it take to feel safe and secure again??

You are spot-on that you husband went on a date even if he said it wasn't. At the end mine also was doing things like that - including lengthy conversations on his cell phone with men I did not know.. By the time he finally announced he was gay and wanted a divorce he already had his new life lined up. In retrospect he stopped blaming me only because he had already checked out of the marriage and had another support system.

I was devastated initially but three things helped me: a conversation with a woman the SSN connected me to who assured me that it was not my fault that "bi" was going "bye; my returning self-respect that said "If you don't want me I certainly don't want you" and finally, picking up a pamphlet at church written for widows on how to go on living when your love has died.

Right after his announcement I called an attorney I knew and she referred me to a very aggressive divorce attorney. When I told my husband who I had consulted he began to focus on the financial aspects of separate households and agreed to meet his obligations. For me that was a big step in my feeling safe and secure and it also gave me a sense of control over my future. It also established to my husband that I was going to be assertive when necessary.

Please don't be so concerned with propping him up emotionally because he now has others who are or will be doing that. Take care of yourself.throughout this time. Try to not think of yourself as being "left behind" but as being freed from his closet.

Long story short my husband did the same thing. after being together since 1986  It started with am affair with a 20 year old boy 3 month seperation. Then 1 year separation. Now he is still confused and I have a choice continue living seperate and lying to all friends and family, formal separation agrreement  or divorce. My mother is in hospice. This past 1.5 years I didnt take care of myself. Im 80lbs and have barely any energy. We run a  business together. I am slowly dying and barely care. This is my last try. i was in therapy for a year. She said  he loved me to much and loved a committed relationship too much. No. He said he isnt coming back and wants another year. No  one knows we are even separated never mind he is 55 and dating 20 something boys. Therapist 1 started a vow of silence  that was never ammended. Im losing my mind. He keeps saying he misses our lives but actions say otherwise. Apologies for the typos Im so upset and alone.

I think my husband did the same thing about acting horrible and picking fights, and I definitely think it was his own guilty conscience trying to justify his cheating. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me hurting, but our daughter was home from college and he was an absolute monster to her. I spent the whole month of December thinking “this is the last time I will ever hang Christmas lights on the house” and “this is the last time I will ever decorate a tree in this house” and “this is the last time I will ever cook Christmas dinner in this house.”  I have told him that I’m going to see my sister and mother for Easter. I told him he’s welcome to join me (our daughter is also coming).  He made some excuse about working, but of course he’ll be out boozing with his friends.

OutofHisCloset wrote:

.....open a good bottle of wine and sit in front of the fire to listen to Bonnie Raitt sing her song about being just fine but a little lonely (anyone have the title of it?). Time to make new traditions.

 

Could be " I Ain't Blue" by Bonnie Raitt