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January 29, 2018 8:05 pm  #1

Devastated and Afraid

It’s been less than a week since my world started to fall apart. I’ve been married to my DH for almost 9 years now. He’s always been a wonderful husband and father to my 3 children from a previous relationship. Over the past 5 years we have struggled sexually in our marriage. It’s seemed as if he just lost interest in me and struggled to get and maintain an erection. I blamed myself for gaining weight and just wasn’t attractive to him. I felt so unwanted and unloved. The thought of him possibly being gay never entered my mind. One day while using his tablet I saw websites for tranny porn. I was horrified but didn’t want to jump to conclusions. I know my husband watches porn and I figured it could have just been a pop up within the site he uses. I never questioned him about what I saw. Over the next few years I saw he was continuously going on sites to watch tranny porn. I know that should have been a red flag but I think I just didn’t want to accept the truth. The whole situation just began to stress me all together. No sex, passion, communication and his addiction to tranny porn. It wasn’t till less than a week ago I finally decided to confront him. I had found that not only was he watching tranny porn it had moved to full on gay porn and now he was browsing craigslist for sexual encounters with men. My heart dropped when I saw what he had been doing. I felt so disgusted and devastated. How could he do this to me? Is this my fault? Is he gay? I was a mess!!! He tried denying then making up ridiculous lies as to why and finally admitting he was he was excited by the porn and was addicted to watching it but swears he never hooked up with anyone from Craigslist. He says he is not gay but all the evidence says he is definitely gay!! I’m devastated and I feel so deceived. He thinks he can just stop watching it and it will all go away but I don’t believe him. It’s been  going on for 5 years that I know of but who knows really. I hate I didn’t trust my gut when I first saw what was happening right in my face. I love him with all my heart but I don’t know if this is something I can get pass. He wants us to stay together but I’ve explained to him that I don’t know what to do right now. The worst part is feeling like I can’t talk to anyone about this and how embarrassed and ashamed I feel. I’m so alone in all of this and I’m slowly falling apart. I just pray to God that he helps me get through this and get to where I should be. I’m so thankful for finding this site and knowing there’s people that understand what I’m going through


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