Wifeofabiman wrote:

Thank you for sharing the Facebook link. My faith is one thing that I have been struggling with. I want to honor God first, and I hope that in the decisions I am making I will.

 
That was something I began to grapple with before my husband came out to me. I just believe that God's Grace and Love is enough to cover a multitude of sin. Brian will have to make peace with God himself as do I. We will, at some point in the near future, exit our Pastorship as our church strongly teaches against any form of sexual relationship outside of one man/one woman. We will find a Affirming Church that we are comfortable with and attend as parishioners. I still have a deep and abiding faith in God, but some of my personal views and convictions have changed over the years. My goal is tto seek the Word and God for myself and nor for what others tell me it should be. Sometimes, it is a lonely place to be.

Brian'sGirl wrote:

Haven't been on here in some time. .

 

Good to see you again It's a long road we travel...and yes, if I'm honest, your focus & emphasis on all things Church to see you through this.....does seem odd to me, but that's because I don't have a religious bone in my body! 
That said....we both you and I..deserve peace of mind from the heartache
and there is more than one way to find it

Luck to you both

It’s a long road being in this position, one of the difficulties we all face is a loss of partner.
Hard thing to address is the female attire he wants to wear, find anxiety when see him in any female things such as female boots, tops that look like I would wear being female.
Does any one else find this uncomfortable,prefer not to see him in female clothes.
Thanks  (

Brian'sGirl wrote:

Our 18 year old grandson confided that he too is bisexual or half gay as he laughingly put it, and we have shared with him his grandfather's SSA. He is open with his girlfriend about it and they seem to have an understanding relationship. They have been dating for 2 years and friends longer and are committed to each other. He says he would never think of being unfaithful to her and if he ever feels that he wants to explore the other side he will tell her. I think this generation is much stronger and more mature than we give them credit for. My greatest hope is that we can all continue working on our family and our relationships together.

I will admit, though, that this struck a nerve. Do you know for a fact that he has told her or did he just tell you her told her? if he did, did he tell her in a way that she would believe him? Or did he say it to her half-jokingly the way he did with you so that she would just laugh it off? My spouse is trans (so not gay or bi), and before we were married, she told me that dressing up was something she used to like to do when she was a little boy (like 2 decades earlier) and that she hadn't done it in a long time. Naturally, I blew it off. Well, 20+ years later, I'm wishing I hadn't.

Also, never thinking of being unfaithful to her and exploring that side of himself are contradictory, and if he is already thinking about how he would handle speaking to her about exploring that side, then he is already thinking of being unfaithful to her (or at least feels it is a very real possibility) at some point down the road.

Please encourage him to make sure she understands exactly what his being bi means. Actually, maybe he should even think about "exploring" that side now before he goes any further with that relationship.

Again, I'm sorry, but this just struck a nerve. If my daughter told me her boyfriend confided in her that he was bi (or was a crossdresser), I would encourage her to get out of the relationship as fast as she can. These desires will not go away and will likely become more stronger as they get older. By all means, remain friends if you like, but don't pursue a romantic relationship.

For those who want/need to stay in a MOM for whatever reason, I get that, but I hope and pray that as same sex attractions and gender dysphoria becomes more accepted that there will be less need for these (mostly) men to hide in a closet and therefore, the number of women who get dragged into a closet will decrease as well. Being married to a closeted man is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. Please make sure that young woman is going forward with her eyes wide open. He owes her at least that much.

 

In fact my stbx's practice of wearing women's "morning lounge clothes" was the straw that really broke the camel's back of our marriage.  He had already told me that because dressing in women's clothes was a sexual turn on for him, he could confine it to the bedroom and to our sex life.  I found seeing him in women's lingerie difficult enough in the bedroom, but I did my best to quell my discomfort by telling myself is was "just" sex play.  When he pushed our agreed on boundaries by extending his dressing to the living room every morning (especially as he'd let me know he was sexually excited by wearing women's clothes) I was extremely uncomfortable.  I think I wrote somewhere on this site it felt as if he was having a morning-after-sex tete-a-tet with his lover.  When I confronted him about what he'd said about keeping it in the bedroom, he said he'd begun dressing in the morning in hopes of gradually getting me accustomed to it.  That he was deliberately manipulating me was even worse than his violating our agreed on boundaries and a bigger deal breaker than my discomfort at seeing him in women's clothes outside the bedroom.  Soon after this argument I moved out of the bedroom, and knew it was only a matter of time before I announced that I was done. 
   

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (September 4, 2018 5:39 pm)