Thanks for clarifying, Phoenix.   OOHC, your presence and clear thinking on this forum is invaluable. 

There are straight spouses on the forum that went into their MOM relationships with full disclosure, eyes open.  There are also straight spouses that did not have the benefit of disclosure and are in the process of discovering that their lives are a lie, possibly characterized by narcissistic abuse, verbal abuse, even physical abuse.   We need to do a better job of giving the latter group a place to think, pause and gather strength without being bombarded by the "stay" lobby.  

My suggestion would be to create a sub forum for people who fall into the latter category so that they can post privately and get the unconditional support that they need.