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- jkpeace
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Re: PTSD
Thank you to all who responded. I intend to look into some of those books, though I haven't, yet. If not PTSD, I know, for certain, that I was in severe shock. I'm not, now. (Sometimes I have those days when a tsunami still hits me, but not too often, now). In fact, I feel as though I'm an entirely new and better person, since getting away from a twisted, untrue marriage. For those who don't think that's fair thing to say, it IS the truth. One of us (me) had no idea that my ex was gay. The other of us (him) may not have been ready to face it, but he knew. So, the marriage was based in untruths or half-truths. My ex was never fully present. If he had been 100% himself, we never would have been married. As a straight woman, I never would have chosen to marry a gay man. Seems so logical, now. I can't believe that, immediately post-disclosure, I actually said, "If you are even 1% straight, I hope you choose me." Ugh. That seems pathetic to me, now, but I did think that and feel that way, at that time.
I do not know what lies ahead. Everything has Not been easy, but I have found that facing the truth and making decisions based in truth serves me well. My children understand truth, too. We just do the best we can and move ahead.
- OutofHisCloset
- Member
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Re: PTSD
jk,
What you said,
"the marriage was based in untruths or half-truths. My ex was never fully present. If he had been 100% himself, we never would have been married. As a straight woman, I never would have chosen to marry a gay man. Seems so logical, now. I can't believe that, immediately post-disclosure, I actually said, "If you are even 1% straight, I hope you choose me." Ugh. That seems pathetic to me, now, but I did think that and feel that way, at that time."
is exactly the position I've arrived at. But because we'd been married 32 years when my husband's disclosure came, somehow I took "partnered" as the default, even though, as you came to see about your own marriage, my partner was "never fully present."
I, too, don't know "what lies ahead." I do know that I am facing my fears and limitations and making headway, and I like the idea of re-framing what I am doing as "facing the truth." Fear is my enemy, but truth is my friend.
Last edited by OutofHisCloset (December 11, 2017 7:30 am)
- Rob
- Member
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Re: PTSD
OutofHisCloset wrote:
Hey Rob,
Did you have that meeting, and if so, how'd it go? Were you able to deny her the satisfaction of getting your goat?
I had this meeting with my kid and GX.. The meeting went well. My GX did not rage or cause a scene, Of course, during the meeting she had to get in little put downs here and there specially to hurt me. I simply ignored her. (observe don't absorb) . It was expected..but rather sad to see her so very angry at me after all this time. She came across to me as bitter, angry, unstable, in-secure and paranoid.
I prayed and thanked God for getting me away from her. She in no way resembled the kind person I first married.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- OutofHisCloset
- Member
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Re: PTSD
Rob,
So glad you got through it without trauma! Seeing that you were able to do so much have been a boost for you, one to keep building on. Your strategy of "observe don't absorb" is such a helpful one. I recall reading that or something like it ("observe don't engage") once in one of our posts and a little lightbulb went on in my head.
Your ex, no doubt, feels hard done by because life is more difficult for her now that she has to own up to the consequences of her decisions and pay for herself now. The entitlement is breath-taking, isn't it?
- Rob
- Member
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Re: PTSD
OOHC,
Sure her new gay life is probably not working out as she expected. Whats strange is I take no pleasure in that fact.. I seek no vengeance...vengeance is God's. I found it rather sad... It concerns me not out of some trauma bond to help her but rather I'm concerned her misfortune will be taken out on me. want to move on and part of that is I don't want constant hurt from someone that caused such trauma.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Roo
- Member
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Re: PTSD
I never thought of this as having PTSD. I'm new to this nightmare of a journey. Well, kinda of. I found out last December and did not confront him until February. I've not even been to a therapist because we are/were trying to work on this. I'm just now finding out more and more and it's making me into a crazy person.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
- Rob
- Member
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Re: PTSD
I never thought of this as having PTSD. I'm new to this nightmare of a journey. Well, kinda of. I found out last December and did not confront him until February. I've not even been to a therapist because we are/were trying to work on this. I'm just now finding out more and more and it's making me into a crazy person.
Your not crazy. This is all them.
There is nothing one can do to turn their spouse gay. I could never cheat or do this anyone.
My ptsd is not from TGT really but from how cruel my GX became. My therapy in the beginning was to help realize I wasn't crazy and did nothing to deserve the abuse. To me the TGT was my GX in her typical fashion making her cruelty irrevocable.
In this life and the next I will sleep knowing I could not have tried harder to love..
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Mirky
- Member
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Re: PTSD
The struggle is real. My GX and I still live in the same area, so every business, barroom, street, bank, etc., is a place I might bump into her or her signigicant other.
Almost every place I enter, I scan the parking lot for one of their cars, wonder if her girlfriend maybe got a new can and then scan the place, whatever it is, for them before I can feel comfortable.
There was even a social club I used to go to from time to time and I know they go there. I have some friends that like to go there, so I've basically told them that I don't like the place and don't want to go there. They have gotten me to go a few times - sometimes they were there, other times they were not. I try to say hello, casually, and then avoid them... but it's torture. It gnaws at me a bit more because I remember the GX not wanting to go there when we were together, but now it's her favorite hang out? Last time I talked, she said they were having trouble with someone that was a high up there, so they might not be going back there much... I said too bad but of course, I hope they stop going there. Hehe... yeah, I'm a bit of a jerk for that, but screw them.
So yeah, no diagnosis, but I certainly am left pretty gun shy by the whole thing.