My husband and I had a big blow out fight tonight. Again. He said, "I feel like you are just using this to try to get away from me." I was stunned for a second. I replied, "I am NOT blowing this out of proportion, this is a BIG thing. Do you think I'm blowing this out of proportion?" And he said "Yes, I do."
Sorry for the play by play, but this is what I am dealing with. He thinks I'm blowing things out of proportion and I should be fine with the fact that he told me he is gay and not attracted to women. Because he can't help it-his attraction-I should be ok with it and not bothered.

I told him a few days ago that I wanted to separate and I wanted space, that I wanted him to move out. We talked about it again tonight and he cried, and said that's a really hard thought.
My heart hurt-I don't want to hurt him-I felt so sorry for him while he cried. But at the same time, I'm angry. Angry that he robbed me of the love and affection that I could have had from a straight man if my husband hadn't married me when he knew full well that he was gay. He has always known he was gay. And he married me anyway. Who DOES that to a person??? Then he tried to tell me that he cares about me and loves me and doesn't want to "throw the marriage away", but how can I believe that? If that was true, wouldn't he have treated me better? If he really cared, wouldn't he have NOT trapped me in a loveless marriage?

I'm so confused, and hurt, and angry. He says that he doesn't want to sleep with men any more but yet he looks at gay porn. What am I supposed to think here?

Starlight,

You don't need his permission to be angry with him.  Of course it's not a big deal to him - he's been rectifying the two sides of this for decades.  Of course he thinks it's no big deal.  But it IS.  And yes, he does know that.  He's hoping that if he declares this no big deal, and you'll listen to him more than your own inner voice, and backtrack.  But you don't need his permission.

One time when I was dating a guy, I went over to his place for a date.  We were brand-new - had only gone out once or twice.  Constantly texting, etc.  I went over and the dude completely ignored me.  It was snowing terrifically outside, and he said I was "late" (by 10 minutes).  I told him how difficult driving was.  But he said that now he was interested in this show that was on TV, so I'd have to watch it with him until it was done.  It was about some football scandal during the 90's.  It was TWO.HOURS.LONG.  After that he found something else to watch.  At one point, I got under his covers and took a nap (we were watching TV in the bedroom).  I got up to go pee, and I came back to a made bed.  Ummm, huh?  He said, "Oh, well, I thought you were done."  I said, "Yeah.  I definitely am.  Done."  And started putting on my boots to leave.  He followed me to the front door and said, "Don't you think you're over reacting?  I said, "Maybe.  And this is me over reacting away.", and walked out, never to so much as text him again.  I didn't need his permission to feel ignored on what was supposed to be a date.  I don't tolerate being treated that way.  And here's me showing you that.  Ass.

You don't need his permission, either.  You do you.  He's been keeping a ton for you for a looong time now.  YOU don't need to behave now so that he's not inconvenienced.  He's stolen years from you.  THAT is a HUGE.DEAL.

Kel

januceyes,

Many of your statements resonate with me.. it was hard not to look at my kids and not cry.

I would say your gathering strength.   You are seeing how he lives while you are hurting he is quite happy in his situation...he thinks what he is doing is morally ok...hurting you is ok.

You are not idle.   You are doing what needs to be done.   You can/should. for example, when your up to it make copies of all the financial info as Abby said.    Maybe one day do something for yourself and the kids.
My now ex and myself continued to live in the same house even after she filed the divorce and wanted me to leave.  My resolve and stoic determination to be kind and continue to be same person I always was drove her bonkers.  

You are not alone.  You are not idle.  You are gathering strength and doing what needs to be done.   
I will leave you with an old quote;
"The mills of God grinding slowly, but they grind exceedingly small."