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1 of 1- phoenix
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It's OK to not be OK!
My friends, I hope you find peace and happiness soon. In the meantime, please know that it is ok to not be ok.
It's OK to cry when you are alone
It's OK to ask for help
It's OK to feel crushed and devastated
It's OK to cry with your friends or family
It's OK to see a Dr. and get drugs for sleep and anxiety
It's OK to be afraid
It's OK to cry in your car
It's OK to see a therapist or councillor
It's OK to feel stressed and overwhelmed
It's OK to cry in front of your kids
It's OK to ask for help from friends, family, neighbors or even strangers
It's OK to be depressed
It's OK to cry in front of your spouse
It's OK to take time off of work, stay in bed, or skip that event
It's OK to not be OK
Somehow our society has convinced us that sorrow is a sign of weakness and is frowned upon. Our society praises those who go it alone and never need help from others. Our society says that we should keep our emotions to ourselves and that only mentally ill people suffer from depression or fear.
I want to encourage all of you to be honest with yourself. Are you harming yourself by trying to put on a brave face for others? Are you depriving yourself of help because you are too proud to ask? Are you bottling up your emotions and delaying your healing because you don't want to feel weak? Are you keeping your situation a secret because you think your gay spouse will get angry or because you think people will judge you?
Stop! It's OK to not be OK. You will get through this. You will get help if you ask for it. You will heal more quickly and live a better life when you can admit that you are not OK.
Please read this article:
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- phoenix
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Re: It's OK to not be OK!
Men.. I'm talking to you especially. The stereotypes of a "Real Man" held in our society are very harsh. We are not supposed to cry or be weak or be afraid because that's not manly. We avoid going to the Dr. We don't share our emotions. We don't ask for help.
It's all crap.. You can be 6'5", 300lbs of solid muscle and work as a lumberjack with a flannel shirt and full beard and you are allowed to cry. You are allowed to be afraid, depressed or anxious. You can talk to a Dr or therapist. You can get medicine to help. You can ask your friends and neighbors for help. You can show your lesbian wife that you are hurting. You are allowed to not be OK. You will heal and you will be happy again and then you can get back to tossing cabers and wrestling bears.
A Real Man has the courage to ask for help and the strength to know when he needs it.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- •
Thread Starter- Rob
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Re: It's OK to not be OK!
Yes,, crying is OK... we love ..we feel. we are authentic and genuine.
Yeah I used to cry every where when going through this. The most memorable was when I was opening my own checking account after decades of a shared account. The tears gave it drama but as I look back at it now it was just one necessary baby step that I had to do ...rest assured my GX had already opened her own account and was funneling money into it. I told the bank lady my tears conveyed the sadness of what I had to do....it was necessary and moral... it was pomp and circumstance..it was not my choice.
Nowadays I take my therapist's advice and I set a time limit on the crying.. I will cry...I will feel but only for 10 -15 minutes.. Then I will get up and do something. I honor the past...I have no shame for the fierce love I gave.. I want to feel it.. but then I want to move on also.
Last edited by Rob (August 21, 2017 4:04 pm)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Josie
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Re: It's OK to not be OK!
This is helpful for me since I am in the middle of it right now. I think all that Phoenix listed is true, but as a person who doesn't like to show her emotions and hates to be pitied by others I need to probably read that every day. I don't like to cry in front of other AT ALL....This is probably partly because I have lived with an unempathetic husband for so long.... Although I'm pretty good at the first one - crying when alone....I just need to realize it's ok to cry in front of others be that a friend, a family member, my therapist or whoever, I rarely cry in front of another person....Thanks for posting that Phoenix. You are very right!