OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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- lily
- Member
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Re: Bisexual wife
hi stavros,
you trust your wife. you trust her implicitly that's normal. I know it's so very painful but I think you need to start rethinking things. exactly what you are trusting her to fulfil.
people are just an awful lot more different than we can possibly give credit to - have you ever wavered in your interest in women? ever thought hmmm, I rather fancy some man parts tonight?
straight women don't fancy women just like straight men don't fancy men. You are a straight. You've got to consider your own emotional needs. Your wife is not a straight, you cannot expect her to understand how different it is for you, particularly as she seems to be exclusively focused on her emotional needs and you have to see the imbalance forming don't you? she's focussed on her needs and you're focussed on her needs.
the word that popped into my head reading your post was 'grooming' she's grooming you to accept her lovers. that is a lonely place for you.
- whatasham24
- Member
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Re: Bisexual wife
Lily, that is such a gracious & accurate piece of advice! : "Grooming" is how it usually starts off it seems. "Grooming" I would say is a euphemism for "testing the waters", non? I think it is also the most hurtful issue in retrospect as you realize they were never "clueless" about their sexuality or "It popped up in middle age" as many claim, but that they rather slowly & insidiously worked away at our standards & rights. My GIDTGH, like so many others' spouses, try to soften their cruelty & lies by claiming they too are surprised by the whole turn of events, yet in reality, they knew & hid it & worst of all, led us into their closet in the most manipulative way. I think this is what adds to some spouses shame & pain. I know I personally am feeling such mixed feelings, including guilt for "allowing/supporting" his CD growth to progress because I gradually got duped over the years. I would NEVER have allowed or supported having a TG spouse over night. But because I slowly supported/ GAVE INTO his transitions, it was not an "overnight" surprise & therefore, I have no right to feel betrayed or put off. This is the response I got from GIDTGH as well as the one friend I decided to disclose to. After 24 years of keeping his secret in the closet, it just reaffirms my own unworthiness. As though, by allowing him to get away with more & more over the years, I should not be upset suddenly that he/we have ended up full throttle in this TG/Str8 hell. No wonder there aren't many spouses stories out there publicly.
Stavros, please read thru some of the threads here. Perhaps you'll also look at your wife's "Tears & Honesty" in a new light.