Duped, I haven't thought that or seen any sign of it at all, but at this point nothing would shock me.  He is still telling me that there are things that he wishes he could tell me but can't so who really knows.  I have really had it.  He has moved out.  He's staying at his sister's right now.  My girls were so sad when he told them, but then once he left we have really just been carrying on.  It's still hard.  I know I'm done, but at the same time all of it seems surreal.  Oh, one other thing.  He told his sister he was confused about his sexuality.  I'm thinking no way he would tell her if not true.  She texted me last night worried about me and said he has been talking in circles with her too.  The hardest part is when I'm with him he tells me different thing each time and sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the wrong thing by "being done" and wanting him to move out.  I need the courage and strength to stick to my guns and not go back to this craziness.  I think someone said something like "I'm on a roller coaster ride that I need to get off".  That is exactly how I feel.  

Josie,

This is not uncommon.  It's like they try to come out with the truth, but once the words leave their lips it becomes too big a reality for them.  They can go round and round like this for a while - maybe forever.  But don't believe for a moment that he told you what he thought you wanted to hear.  No woman wants to hear that he husband is gay.  That's just..... ridiculous.  NO straight man would ever offer that excuse up as a way to just give his wife an explanation.  EVER.

The man is gay.  Just because he's scared for that to be the truth doesn't mean it's not his truth.  He may still want you, but that doesn't make him not gay.  He clearly sees "gay" as meaning that the two of you cannot continue a relationship (and rightfully so).  When he becomes panicked at that reality, he takes back the only thing that he thinks can be the true nail in the coffin.  He figures if he takes that off the table, he still has the option to make the choice to want to be with you.  He can't just take the gay thing off the table and then have the relationship automatically be repairable.  But I believe that's what he's believing.

Kel

Josie,

"..said I don't need stress of you being here. .."


Yeah at some point it became more stressful coming home then anything else.. would I find her girlfriend there, would she scream and rage at me (because my being alive was my offense).   This is when I knew we were done and over.

There is nothing really they can do or say..there are no take backs. ..they broke so many taboos and vows and promises. For me there was no takeback..just a pig headed arrogance that what she was doing was ok...cheating and lying was ok ..it followed then that hurting me was morally ok.  It was an alternate reality.a nightmare.


I say good for you for setting your boundaries.   I maintain locked doors and no contact to this day.   I thank God for getting me away.

Yes, Kel, this is going to be a real struggle.  Last night he wanted to come hang out with my younger daughter while I took the older one somewhere.  I said yes, but thought he would limit it to when we were actually gone.  Instead he showed up 20 minutes before we left and lingered for a little bit after we got back (we were gone over 2 hours so it wasn't like he didn't get enough time).  He's calling again today saying he wants to see them tonight.  I told him no because the younger one has soccer and the older one will have a lot of homework.  The problem is he is staying with his sister 45 minutes away so I can't exactly get them there.  There's not time for all that with homework, sports, etc.  He's acting all pitiful, which is how he gets his way with me.  I talked to my therapist today and she said I need to let go of the guilt.  She said to set boundaries, etc.  I think we will go to our couples therapist this week for the sole purpose of having a conversation around the boundaries that I need.  This is hard.  The guilt trip is killing me  It's the opposite of what Rob had going on which is hard too.  I can't imagine someone treating me like that when they were the one in the wrong!  Ugh!  These selfish, selfish people!

I haven't written in more than 6 weeks.  The most terrible of all things happened and I couldn't post about it.  My husband who was starting to come out and who I had asked to leave our house committed suicide on August 30th.  Our family is devastated.  I was so upset with him at the time about the questions about his sexuality that I now feel a tremendous amount of guilt.  I also feel a deep anger.  I mean he lied to me our whole marriage and was selfish and was a narcissist and had no empathy for me at all.  Then he did the ultimate FU and selfish act and did this.  I will eventually be ok, but what about my children.  What about his poor mom and his sister and all the other people who cared about him.  He came out to me, his sister and his best friend.  He had so many secrets and lies and I had asked so many questions.  I even asked him if he committed murder because he kept saying he had a "secret".  One of his friends said I think he would rather have murdered someone than be gay.  That is why he did this.  Now my children are left without their father and I wonder if they will ever recover.  How in the world could this have been the right decision?  I do think that in addition to being GID he was also very mentally ill.  Maybe the GID caused the mental breakdown or maybe they were just an unfortunate coincidence.  I found out recently that my husband's father was self medicating for Bi-polar before he passed away and that my husband had been diagnosed as "slightly" bipolar when he went to rehab.  I don't know anything for sure, but I know we have been through hell because of his choice.  I hope and pray we will be ok (more my girls than me, I'll be ok).  I didn't want to post here at first because of the awfulness of it all, but now I am wondering if anyone else has known someone who was GID and did this?  I have googled a little, but it shows more with teens than with adults.  I wish he would have been ok with being gay.  I am not homophobic at all and feel we could have co-existed (not married of course), but he could have been in a gay relationship and I would have been ok with it.  My heart is broken and I have such anger.  I just wanted to finally post here and see if anyone has any insight....