OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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1 - Kel
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I'm so glad there are so many men here
When I first started coming to this site (at it's former location), it was pretty dead. People would post, and no one would respond. It was more like tacking up a sticky note at the scene of a loved one's death. No one's answering back, and yet marking the place seems to be somewhat cathartic. There were virtually no men here. For every 30 women, there would be a man that would stop by occasionally. Their situation seems somewhat different from that of women. To paint in a broad brush, it seems that the women were finding out their men were participating in gay activities and then either gas lighting their wife about them, or stating that it didn't mean they're gay, and they'll stop. The men seemed to have wives that came and admitted to them that they were gay. The men would want to make it work anyway. Hell - everyone wanted to make it work no matter what their scenario. That's one of the things we all have in common. That and our giving, forgiving, loving personalities and fortitude.
As time's gone by, sooooo many more men have come and stayed. And you are a lifeline - especially to other men in similar scenarios. And by confirming for the women here that no, straight men don't look at gay porn. Never, ever, ever. Your voices here are so distinct - Rob, Phoenix, and others. You have come so far from where you were when all you were was broken, angry, sad and scared. And you've stuck around to help others here out. Your voices are distinct, relatable, and invaluable. Thank you.
Kel
Last edited by Kel (June 8, 2017 3:33 pm)
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- Duped
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Re: I'm so glad there are so many men here
Deleted
Last edited by Duped (November 11, 2019 3:04 pm)
- Steve
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Re: I'm so glad there are so many men here
There has always been men here. Some did not migrate across to the new site just as some major female contributors did not migrate across. The forum as never been 'dead' as far as I am aware... definitely quieter at times though.
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
- Foolme
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Re: I'm so glad there are so many men here
Very good point Kel, I always preferred mixed company over same sex gatherings!! I wasn't around in the old forum days but it's nice to see so much activity.
I'm impressed with how open and honest the men are with their feelings and their hurt, nice to see it shift from the big boys don't cry attitude.
I've also been noting how often new members join, there was a stretch there where it was at least one a day, I'd observe the total registered members creep up and up. It's shocking to see so many people are being deceived on such a fundamental level, and of course this is probably just the tip of the iceberg.
Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves
- Kel
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Re: I'm so glad there are so many men here
Wasn't trying to insult anyone, Steve. I'm talking about a good 8 years ago, though - when I first started stopping by. It was dead as a doornail to me, at that time. Might not have been anyone else's experience, though.
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
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Thread Starter- Steve
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Re: I'm so glad there are so many men here
That's ok Kel. Thanks for all YOU do. We all think of our heyday on the forum as 'the glory days'. I know I do. I miss my old cohort. Coming here was actually wonderful. We'd cry a lot but man we had some laughs. I met some of the funniest and most caring people I've ever met here. Many are still Facebook friends. I love them all. 'Hi' if you are reading this 
Last edited by Steve (June 8, 2017 4:38 pm)
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
- Rob
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Re: I'm so glad there are so many men here
Kel, Duped,
Thanks. But distinct hmm? I'm shocked how common our stories are (both men and woman). I did not think there were so many GID spouses in the world that would hurt their partners (and kids) on such a fundamental moral level.
My point of view today looking back..
It's like I took my then wife's word and vows, our history together, our love, as a fundamental truth. Kind of like a physical law of nature. So she would say I took her for granted...
In her ultimate gaslight (getting back to the question/topic mentioned) she would say I took her for granted..I was not there for her, did I not realize what wrongs I did. It does gaslight me.. the back and foot rubs every night (with nothing for me in return), every hour and minute of my time , help , love etc.. I did not give it...I was a horrible husband that treated her poorly. This she tells people.
[Note; in her rage during the divorce I would get the classic gaslighting straight out of the movie ..the "oh, I told you this don't you remember me telling you this?" How scared I was then because the guy in the movie was evil..I was dealing with an evil person.]
Truth be told I feel less of man after TGT...yes I know in my bones there is nothing I could do to cause her to be gay. I absolve myself of any responsibility of TGT. No, its the potent combination of TGT and narcissism that has so much taken from me...makes me fear her to this day.. so much I allowed to be taken from me during the marriage. Then, when I had hardly any masculinity or self esteem left...when I said yes to everything to please her, when I had nothing left to give to make her happy..when me and the kids could not figure out why she was so angry all the time...I find she's cheating with a woman and loathes me. My masculinity and self esteem that she made me feel ashamed of and eroded so much was still not gone..she needed a woman.
Yes, in the end, I had one last shred of self esteem left...just four words; "No I will not".
And for that and the forum I am eternally grateful.
I wish strength, fortitude, and peace for all the men and woman here.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Clif
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Re: I'm so glad there are so many men here
I do believe that the think that is still hard for me today is knowing that this was the real her since the day I met her. When we married, I was 19 and she was 17 (Almost 18). 27 years later when she 'came out' I thought I had really known her. How wrong was I? Now it has been 7 years since she left and I am the happiest I have ever been.
Good days are head for all of you here. This really will be just a footnote in your life at some point.
P.S. I read here every day but almost never respond. I am quite pleased at how strong you all are!
- phoenix
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Re: I'm so glad there are so many men here
Thanks Kel.
I love our forum right now. I've seen it grow quite a lot in the past 11 months. We have a fantastic group with a good mix of men and women, newbies in shock and seasoned experts, people who are needy and people who are able to help and give back. We also have a great mix of experiences... men dealing with lesbian spouses, women dealing with gay spouses, women dealing with trans male spouses, etc..
I do think your observation is correct Kel about how GID women act vs. GID men. I think lesbian women are much more likely to admit the truth to the male spouse vs. gay men who will often never admit. This is a much bigger conversation of course.. but your observation has been confirmed by the sample size of the stories on this forum.
We have a great family and we are a great resource for those new people who are going through the worst times in their lives.
BTW.. i bet the number of people who read and find help here is 100x the number of people who actually sign up and post. So consider how many people we are all helping every time we post a question or answer and discuss these difficult topics.
Last edited by phoenix (June 9, 2017 9:07 am)
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- Steve
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Re: I'm so glad there are so many men here
The area where the forum has DEFINITELY grown is in the support of, for and by people with transgender, transsexual or cross-dressing partners. When I was active on the forum we almost never heard from people in this situation. It's great to see this issue now being regularly discussed. So... well done guys
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.