Bec, it's clear that despite the efforts to undermine you, you are thinking clearly, and you recognize that giving up on your husband is not giving up on God.  

You will be.  It never feels like you're winning when you're in the trenches.  That only comes later - after you can rise and watch the smoke clear and see that you've been victorious.  Until then, you're just fighting toward that goal.

You had two choices here. BOTH of them are "giving up", in some way. 1) giving up on him/the marriage, and 2) giving up on YOU. Literally - if you'd have chosen him and the marriage after you KNEW it was likely to mean never seeing the changes you needed, it would mean either never being at peace, or killing off your soul so that you could sleepwalk through this nightmare - all so you could say you didn't quit on him. You can find peace this way - even happiness.  But you never will if you stay.  He is broken (no matter how or why). He seems more interested in excuses than doing the work to change. He either cannot or will not change.

He gave up on you/the marriage long ago.  His true love is satisfying his own desires and fetishes.  He abandoned you in order to make room for his lover - himself. Get out of the way so the two of them can go skipping off into the sunset together.  May they have many happy days together.

Kel

Last edited by Kel (May 30, 2017 8:28 am)

I'm another religious person who agrees with what you're doing.  (I actually don't consider myself "religious" as much as Biblically-based, but that's probably neither here nor there.)  My background is from a fundamentalist Bible Church.  And I do believe in dedication to marriage.  However, there are exceptions, and the Bible clearly outlines those.  One is unfaithfulness/sexual immorality.  Another is abandonment.  Abandonment can come in many forms, if you ask me.  Physically leaving the person is clearly abandonment.  But so is emotionally abandoning them.  They have abandoned the covenant in order to please themselves.  They have abandoned our bodies and our need for intimacy.  They have abandoned our health as they expose us to disease.  They have abandoned our family as they set out to please themselves rather than being a model for our children.  The man has abandoned his position as head of the household, protector, and provider.  If a woman, she has abandoned her place as her husband's helpmate, soft place and lover.  WE are not leaving them, we are accepting that they have ALREADY left US.  They don't want to pay for that mistake, even though they keep doing it.  But they (and sometimes others) will lay that mantle on us not to abandon them in their "time of need".  WHEN would it be OUR time of need???  Isn't it NOW?  If you cannot rely on your leader, your protector, your helpmate or your lover to help YOU, then you need to leave before it kills you.  It never was our weight to carry.  They made it that.  We don't have to accept that.

Kel

Awake, Thanks..  I'm still alive and rebuilding my life..one small step at a time.

Bec,

Only you and God know the actions of your husband. Your husband getting the pastor to bully you into accepting some fault is not fair.

I guess my situation was a little different in that my ex was actively and with reckless abandon cheating on me.  My Roman catholic priest would tell me that I could not condone that..that my first responsibility then was to my kids and myself.  God did not want me to live with a cheating wife. But no an abusive gay spouse was not grounds for an exorcism. 
There is just no way for a pastor or priest to comphrehend what we are going through.  In my case there was evil malice in my wife that the rest of the world could not see.  There is certainly intent in your husband that you see and feel that no one else can see..   your decision to get away from that is not something any priest or pastor can really comphrehend..I doubt any of them ever lived with a sneaking covert spouse where you need to check their text and email to see if they are for you or against you.

God would not want us to live in an abusive marriage...and it is abuse...we've just been in it so long we never saw it as abuse..we can't see it now or maybe never but this is god protecting us from further harm.  He surrounds us and is with us. We have faith in him but that does not relate in any way to faith in a mortal spouse..our spouses are not gods. Faith with them is built on trust and love...when they break that they cannot invoke god who is trust and love..it must come from them.

Sending you a warm hug.