Bec, refresh my memory.  What has your husband done that you've found out about?  I know you said he had a Periscope account.  Has he cheated with men?  I believe he's intimately rejected you too, correct?  What else?

Kel

We have never had a healthy sexual relationship. The only time I would consider us active is when we were trying to have our children. Other than that I was lucky if it was once every 3-4 months. Mostly we only had sex when he was drinking but I had to make sure he wasn't too drunk. Early on in the marriage he moved to anal sex and that would be his default when he was drunk. If we did have sex when he was sober he NEVER tried for anal. (Sorry I know that's TMI). He never had an issue finishing and would do so very quickly without a thought to my sexual satisfaction. About 3-1/2-4 years ago I found Craigslist ads on the computer history where he had looked at them. M4M, T4M, W4M. I also saw that he was looking at POF. I didn't say anything because I didn't really know what to say or think. I was getting ready to leave for a week long business trip and tried to have sex with him before I left. He took oral from me and went to sleep and I layed in my bed and cried. On that trip I had an affair. Not something I'm proud of but it happened. Shortly after, I confessed the affair and asked him about the ads and porn on the history. He said he was just curious.... He said he was in a funk and wanted to make it work. I got flowers and a big apology letter. Really??? I just told you I had an affair and I get flowers. I invited him on my next trip and caught him in our hotel room masturbating to porn ( still no sex). When I looked at the history there was a gay porn video mixed in the rest. Up to that point it was always deep throat porn female on male. It has progressed from there to the periscope. He started following men, gay men and trannies. In his defense he also follows women. Last November I asked him about his periscope account and he said he didn't even know how to use it, and then went home and deleted 1/2 the people he followed and deactivated his account, just to reactivate it 2 months later and follow a bunch more men. Recently I spoke with our pastor for advice and confronted him. He admitted to a porn addiction but nothing on the men. He has been counciling with our pastor (who overcame a porn addiction himself) and after the first visit with my councillor admitted to watching a couple of the men, but not all of them and he certainly didn't follow all them.

On our anniversary last year he kissed me good morning and then went down to his bathroom and watched 2 men Masturbate on periscope.

Now he tells me that he does love me, never considered that only taking oral would feel like rejection and he never actually told me no and that he is sexually attracted to me. He doesn't want a divorce and isn't sexually attracted to men.

I hope that all makes since. I'm a bit of a mess right now.

Last edited by Bec (May 18, 2017 10:36 am)

Bec,

So sorry..sounds like they are ganging up you.

Don't go to "therapy" anymore if this is the case.  Divorce is unknown and scary....but so is living in an in untrusting  marriage with a covert spouse.

Go no contact to figure things out.
No sex in two years...no contact should be ok then.

Giving you a warm hug cause I know we get no authentic ones.

Bec,

Its not you.  Repeat it's not you.
No contact is mentally working on your self and stop going to that useless therapy.
No contact is not talking to him at all and no physical contact.  It means sitting in the same room and not responding to or saying a word to him.
It means sleeping somewhere else in the house. 
It is finding a place in the house that is your where you feel both safe and some peace.
It is hell but a temporary hell.