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1 - Bec
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drowning
Just had a joint counseling session with my GID Husband. Feel like I'm drowning in all this. All of the sudden since he says that his dad molested him it's all supposed to be ok... I don't get it. before the councilor met him she was sure that he had acted on his attractions. Now she is confident he hasn't just because he says so and he was molested. I should let down my walls and help him through this. How does it change so quickly. I called him out for still not being 100% honest and she said that admitting he was looking at men at all was enough. She did call him out when he said he wasn't sexually attracted to men. She said you have to be attracted at least a little or you wouldn't look. Doesn't mean you are gay though..... Then on the way home he said that he never rejected me for sex. Never actually told me no. And taking oral with nothing in return isn't rejecting.... Really??? This just all sucks, How are they so good at making us fell guilty?? Sorry just needed to vent.
- Rob
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Re: drowning
?? So what was the purpose of the counseling... that its all ok ? He is morally right and you are wrong to feel hurt and angry ?
Not sure how to save the marriage if they wont be remorseful and own it..
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Bec
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Re: drowning
He's remorseful for the porn addiction, but the men he watched was only because his dad molested him not because he's sexually attracted to men. It's frustrating to me because I felt like I was getting stronger and more determined and now the councillor makes it seem like he's ok and now I should forgive him. The devil is planting doubts in my head because I keep bringing it all back up.... Those were her words not mine
Last edited by Bec (May 10, 2017 2:50 pm)
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Thread Starter- OutofHisCloset
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Re: drowning
Bec,
It sounds to me as if you need to get a counselor for yourself, and not the one you are seeing with your husband. A counselor whose take is that "the devil is planting doubts in [your] head" is not working for you; it's not the counselor's job to urge you to forgive your husband. And you should listen to the fact that you are uncomfortable with and doubting what she's saying, because that's your gut telling you she's wrong.
For the record, Sean has said that "I was molested" is a common go-to for GID men.
- Bec
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Re: drowning
She was my counselor and asked to see us together. Why is it so hard to just walk away and say I'm done?
Last edited by Bec (May 10, 2017 3:42 pm)
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Thread Starter- Lyonene
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Re: drowning
Bec,
I would get a new therapist. This one is clearly showing you they are not well versed in this area.
- Rob
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Re: drowning
Bec wrote:
She was my counselor and asked to see us together. Why is it so hard to just walk away and say I'm done?
Did you tell the therapist you wanted to save the marriage...maybe this is her attempt. My therapist trying to help me said I would be supported whatever I decided... but then my therapist asked; your wife is gay..do you really think you can make that work? Sometimes it takes hearing it from a third party to realize how insane we are thinking these spouses really love us.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Bec
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Re: drowning
No I didn't. I'm actually at a point that I want out, I just don't know how to have the conversation. I feel lost in my own house. He wants to save it. She said today that she could confidently say that he is not a homosexual. I don't know how to find a therapist that had experience with this. Her focus really seems to be the porn addiction
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Thread Starter- Foolme
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Re: drowning
Bec, it definitely sounds like this counsellor isn't well versed in this area. Gay porn isn't what a straight guy does! It just isn't. Perhaps contact your local LGBT community asking if they have a list of therapists confident dealing with this issue.
If you've decided you want out don't let a counsellor sway you otherwise, don't feel a failure that you can't be there for him during this, it's time you have to be there for you!
Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves
- phoenix
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Re: drowning
He's remorseful for the porn addiction, but the men he watched was only because his dad molested him not because he's sexually attracted to men. It's frustrating to me because I felt like I was getting stronger and more determined and now the councillor makes it seem like he's ok and now I should forgive him. The devil is planting doubts in my head because I keep bringing it all back up.... Those were her words not mine
I don't believe this for one second.
Why would you want to relive something that was a bad experience? If there is no pleasure or attraction then that means he actually wants to relive a bad memory? That doesn't add up. It's big fat lie.. A very commonly used lie by GID men who want to find a socially acceptable excuse for their actions without having to actually admit to having a same sex attraction.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.