Rob, that totally sucks.  She's so mean.  Who DOES that?  I mean, she should WANT her kids to have all the loving relationships that they can.  It doesn't take anything from her as their mother to have them love their father, too.  Jeez.  How selfish of her.  She's taking from the kids as well as you.

So,.... how is she trying to change things due to a doctor's appointment?  Is she making it like you already "saw" the kid the day of the doctor's appoint, therefore you don't need them on the assigned day, too?

For what it's worth, people get the kids on the assigned days.  Period.  If they get them on additional days too, that's EXTRA - it doesn't take the place of other days unless that arrangement is made.  We call it "swapping".  For instance, this weekend my ex really needed to go out of state or his job, and he asked me (practically begged me) this past Monday to keep the kids this weekend.  He will then have them 2 weekends in a row to get us "back on schedule".  This is only important to me because dh and I get paid every two weeks, and we go on a massive grocery shopping trip on those weekends.  Which means that it eats up a ton of our time and we have a lot less time to spend with the kids.  So we really like to get back on schedule so that we can have the kids on the weekends when we're not busy with necessities - so we can spend some quality family time DOING stuff rather than having them laze around while we run around (they never want to go with).  And at some point, when my current husband's daughter was under 18, we would match it so we had her on the same weekends as my kids - have them all together.  The kids hated it when we got off schedule and my ex's wife wasn't about to switch her weekend work schedule around on one of MY ex's whims.  So my ex knows the rules - if you swap a weekend, you get them two weekends in a row then.

I never understand why the custodial parent wants to keep the kids 24/7.  I mean, I need some ME time!  I love the time away from the kids.  it re-charges me so that when I'm with them, I'm really present and in the moment.  Of course, I have the additional commitment of a newer relationship with my husband, who married into my situation, but didn't marry all of us - he wants some private time with me.  So the kidless weekends (as I call them) are dedicated to dating and loud sex.  Lol.  Keeps everything on the tracks.  I love my life.  And I love getting a break from the daily grind, too.  Last night the kids both slept over a friend's house, and dh and I went out to dinner and then laid around and went to bed early.  Today I'll have 6 kids at my house for a sleepover.  So it all evens out.  We're all happy.

Take her back to court if she's not complying.  Just know that in the beginning, it's all by the book.  After a year or so, everything relaxes and there is usually a predictable routine.  And everyone is more lax about the "rules" unless there's a huge disagreement.  Our agreement specifies that we alternate holidays.  And we did, in the beginning.  Now major holidays are usually worked out so that the kids can have holidays with both families.  We consult the kids about what they want too - because we're not going to knock ourselves out making it work for both families if the kids would rather go to one household that particular holiday.  For Christmas, my ex gets them for a few days before the holiday, and they do Christmas Eve as their celebration.  Then they wake up over there on Christmas morning and come back to our house around 11 or so.  Open presents with us, and then we head over to my parents house for our larger family get-together.  We just want the kids to be happy at this point.  Because they're old enough to be very vocal when they're not happy, lol.  I also make sure that since my ex's mother has passed away that the kids are aware that Father's Day is coming, and make sure they're thinking about a gift, and that they have a ride to wherever they'd like to shop, etc.  Same with Christmas.  I WANT them to have the joy of giving to their father too, and learn not to just be takers.  I don't go so far that I'm making suggestions or buying the gifts.  But I make sure to keep in mind that their father does deserve a Father's Day, and the kids would likely just blow it off if I didn't assist.  I don't want that for him.  He doesn't deserve that.  And as their parent, it's my job to steer them in growing into good adults.  This is part of that.

Anyway, stick to your guns, Rob.  I'll be thinking about you.

Kel

Thanks guys.
Sue..Your not out of line..I will probably start taking my pills again...seems the battle is not over.  I can go back to my phychiatrist and she'll help me.

The lezex is a big bully..I can tell already she will not honor the parenting plan unless it suits her.  she is a narcissist..no contact is key but I have deal with her over the kids.  And she is a physcho. .not rational.

Keepinghope, you sound like you're doing great!  I'm so happy that your unexpected new life is a joy to you.

I too had the "lost all the in-laws" thing going on.  It wasn't as much of a big deal for me, though; my ex's family (except for his mom) were all aunts, uncles and cousins and lived in a different state, and so we rarely saw them anyway.  So it wasn't the loss that him losing my family was to him.  But still - I knew they didn't know, and I had no idea what my ex and his mother had told the extended family about the divorce.  I know that they didn't want my MIL's mother to know that my ex is gay - that would have been a HUGE deal in their family (all churchy evangelicals).  But she died, and then my MIL died two weeks later, and I slipped that news out to a cousin who came in while MIL was dying.  She asked me who the man was with dh.  After telling her what is name was, she was like, "Yeah, I KNOW.  Who IS he???"  I was like, "It's ex's boyfriend."  She looked shocked, then crestfallen, then a tear slid down her cheek as she put her hands over her mouth and said, "We've been so cruel to you".  All they'd really done was act like I didn't exist after news of the divorce got out.  Didn't send b-day cards to me any longer, that sort of thing.  But they weren't cruel.  Still don't know if the rest of his family knows.  I know he thinks they don't.  I figure they do since I told one person.  Who knows.  It doesn't matter what you tell the in-laws if your ex denies it to them, anyway.  They don't WANT to believe that he's gay, so him telling them that he's not is good enough for them.

Keep going on your journey, hon.  There's a lot of happiness still to be had. 

Kel

Well no narc gay ex this weekend but no kids either. 
I kept busy but alas, the loneliness and sadness come creeping and crashing in.  I leaned on my family for company which helped.   One kid will be off to school which saddens me to no end. You would think I'd be doing better but really just ok.

". tears and rumination .."

Yeah that.  Maybe I still need some help.  The reality is i/we was thrust into this new life that I didn't want.   I can't look back..even at the happy memories...because I have doubt now if any of it was real..and I can never get that life back.

So in the aftermath of the tgt destruction and ruins  where do I start...I mean I'm getting my schedule down but what's the single biggest thing to start single life again?