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- Kel
- Member
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Re: She came out last night.
Demons,
What kind of repercussions could you experience that you aren't already dealing with? I'm asking in all seriousness. How would the situation be different if you gave her a real piece of your mind? Is she being kind and giving to you now, and you fear that'd all dry up if you lashed out?
I was able to let loose on my ex eventually. I didn't name call or swear at him. But I let out that while I didn't blame him for being gay (I don't think anyone would "choose" that), I DID blame him for throwing me under the bus and letting me suffer without knowing what was wrong. In my opinion, he did that because he was too weak and scared to deal with it all himself - to come out and just be who he was. So he created a fake life, and laid all the fallout at my feet, without ever admitting that he knew what the problem was, and that he was the person who designed this false life purely for only HIS best benefit. I hated that he let MY self-esteem suffer because he wasn't strong enough to go through that himself. That wasn't right, it wasn't fair, and it was f'ing WEAK. For that, I will always hold him responsible. He never did agree with me on that. He wanted to take credit for "ruining" my life. For wasting 16 years. Even those were cop-outs, if you ask me. Those are cries for me to assure him that he didn't do those things - to make him feel better. And why would I do that? Because he DIDN'T "ruin" my life. You don't make or break my life, asshole. Don't try to make me feel sorry for you because you feel so bad. If you felt so bad, you would have DONE something to fix it.
Letting it all out to them is cathartic. It doesn't help them to act better though, because they KNOW these things deep down, and they've been trying to avoid them all along. Being forced to look at them makes them defensive and angry. But at some point in time, I came to not give a shit any longer about how it made HIM feel. I didn't need to protect him from the fallout of his own actions. I'd already done that for a f'ing decade and a half. I was not above screeching like an angry, wounded animal to warn him that he couldn't come near me close enough to hurt me again. I knew the truth, he knew I knew it, and he backed the f OFF. Which is what I wanted. Get OUT of my life, loser.
Kel
Last edited by Kel (May 3, 2017 10:05 am)
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.