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1 of 1- Piper55
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What have I done?????????????
Hello everyone. Hope you all are on the healing path. I have made a mistake. After two months apart, divorce and separation lawyers hired on both our ends, I broke down and texted my GID husband. He rushed to my house and we had passionate sex. I'm 55, he's 58. Now, I'm so confused and beating myself up. Has anyone ever done this? What should I do? He is wooing me, and I know in my mind this will never work. Why is the heart such a stubborn beast?
- Kel
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Re: What have I done?????????????
Okay Piper - breathe. It's going to be okay.
What you've done is perfectly normal. It's just not necessarily healthy for you.
What did you text him? How did it all happen? Were you just lonely and he was making you feel better? Did you offer any resistance? If so, did he try to overcome that, or were you both just racing to the bed together?
So..... how do you feel now? Are you confused about divorcing now, or is it just your panic button flashing because you gave in momentarily? If you still want to divorce but are feeling like you might have confused HIM, don't be. The only person you need to be worried about in this situation is YOU. He's not been worried about how his behavior has confused you, so don't beat yourself up about what this might have meant to him. Just leave it be for a while - don't contact him. You don't want to give him the warm fuzzies about what happened. Men understand more than anyone about how sometimes you can just fall in bed with an ex and it doesn't mean you're getting back together. He won't think it means that unless you lead him to believe that's what it means. Don't ruminate on "how wonderful that was", or tell him that you wish it could still be that way, but it can't. He'll pray upon your desire and love bomb you. Don't contact him back for a few days. When you finally do, be clear with him - tell him (if this is how you feel) that you're sorry if you confused him; you were feeling lonely and things just got out of control very quickly. But that it won't happen again. Then continue on your path as if it never happened.
Try to keep in mind that if he's with other men on the side and you're still sleeping with him, you're in danger of getting STD's. Remind yourself of that when you feel tempted to text him. Say to yourself, "This is never going to work. There's no point in texting him because he can't help me - he can only hurt me at this point. I will never trust him again, so I'm not going to initiate or answer any contact." Have a trusted friend you can text instead when you're feeling lonely.
It's going to be okay. Be on your own side right now, though. Only worry about you and your path forward.
Kel
Last edited by Kel (April 25, 2017 2:30 pm)
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- Still Wondering
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Re: What have I done?????????????
It's ok Piper. I agree 100% with Kel. Don't beat yourself up over this. What you did was a perfectly normal reaction to the craziness of divorce. It happens with couples ALL of the time, gay in denial or straight. It's hard to let go of a long term relationship, even when they hurt you. Distance can make the heart grow fonder. It can also make you forget things or misjudge how much you need or miss someone. It's totally ok to compose your thoughts and get right back on track. Shit happens. He'll get over it.
I also agree that you need to be extra careful about STDs. That's the last thing you need on top of all of this - especially if you get one that isn't curable.
Hang in there. You'll get through this. Don't let him woo you. They are good at it....until life returns to normal, then so do they.
- Duped
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Re: What have I done?????????????
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Last edited by Duped (November 11, 2019 2:39 pm)