Lisa4kids,

Its hard for friends and family to wrap their head around..hell we need so much support trying to wrap our heads around it and process it. I don't begrudge any of my friends and family..they do what they can and what they can understand.
My one friend said he could not comphrehend it.. yep..neither can I.

Trapped. Yes..I think that crossed my mind as my ex raged at me to leave even though she had absolutely no money, no job, nothing.. that's my little secret here on the forum...I actually felt trapped wondering how to solve all the financial problems that she created with TGT.

I think there comes a point where things get so bad that money doesn't matter. An example would be my gay ex saying I could not see the kids.. I would sell my organs if I had to..

In my case I simply maintained status quo financially. Deciding what I wanted to do. Many problems I decided were not mine to solve. They can't betray us and then expect no consequences. .that the pieces of the marriage they like (ie $$) will stay the same while the pieces they don't like (ie hetero affection) can be discarded. They are not gods..they are not entitled to everything and us nothing.

Do what needs to be done...know that it is not forever..there is an end..you may not know when ..you can't see it..but it does exist. We are not citizens of the gay closet..we need not make our home there.

Last edited by Rob (April 21, 2017 5:55 am)

Lisa, a big, big hug from me.

I know exactly what you going through. First you are completely alone in your discovery and when you finally open up, nobody can understand what you going through.   They will never be able to fully grasp, but in a short while they will support you.  Keep talking to them.  Telling your story not only brings a clearer understanding, but also healing.  I talked to a psychologist, a sexologist, close friends and finally my family members.  I came here every day to read the posts here.  And only now I begin to feel better.

The confession:  Only a miracle will make that happen.  Sometimes snooping is our only way, but even that only brings pain, suffering and confusion.  And their cover up stories range from amazing to ridiculous jokes.  I found gay porn on my husbands internet history and he said he wanted to see if he is big enough to satisfy me..   My response to him was "bullshit!  Please leave.".  You have to think about the years you've been living with this man and calmly evaluate his accusations.  Be kind on yourself;  nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes along the way.  I doubt you were a bad wife to him. If you were, this would not have hurt you.  It is because you love and care about him that you still give him the benefit of the doubt.  

Finances:  it is scary, I know.  I work and rework my budget every day.  Try to plan for every scenario.  Make sure me and the kids will be okay.  I wish you the best of luck in your business venture and hope that you will find a way out.

E-hug
Mrs Lonely

Lisa
I could have written the 2nd paragraph myself... I know exactly how you're feeling!

I saw a therapist for the first time last week. She said something that helped me a little bit.  She said, "don't minimize the work you're doing.  With all of the dynamics included, every step you take in processing this is huge.". I think you, Lisa, are making huge steps.  By simply realizing the gaslighting that has and does happen, you are far beyond where you've been.  Knowledge is power... You are empowering yourself through making yourself aware of what's going on.  Reaching out to friends is another huge step that should help you on your journey.  I am envious of how far along you are!

Hugs!!