If your spouse is not denying anything and, considering the circumstances, you've been working together, you may be spared some of the abuse and gas-lighting others here have dealt with. If he is truly coming out publicly you might see something like suppressed teenage gusto which could leave you as essentially the only mature adult to guide the kids. Another thing to possibly prepare for is hearing about whatever awesome things he is doing and people he is meeting while you might be staying home focused on the kids. Many of us have seen our former spouses leap into new relationships while we aren't sure we even want another one yet. In other words, we get something similar to PTSD with feelings of worthlessness and undesirability mixed in. There are ways you can deal with it, I'd suggest not following his personal life too closely, no social media following, keep the conversation focused on shared concerns like the children and not personal details. Don't put yourself down. Get out when you can and get involved in personal interests of your own. Start building a fabulous new life one piece at a time.

Thank you so much for your responses.  He is my best friend, or I thought he was, and I am trying to separate the friendship from the marriage.  He says he wants to remain close friends and I would like that also.

I looked up the definition of gaslighting and this is what I found.  A more psychologial definition of gaslighting is "an increasing frequency of systematically withholding factual information from, and/or providing false information to, the victim - having the gradual effect of making them anxious, confused, and less able to trust their own memory and perception.  

I feel like this fits me to a tee.  Though I want to be friends with him and miss him terribly, I feel like I can't trust him or my own feelings for that matter.   It is very confusing.  I don't want this divorce to be bitter and be the typical divorced parents.  I want for us to able to spend the holidays together with the kids and work together.  I just don't know if I am fooling myself.  

He has only been out of the house for a few weeks, and he is already plunging into his new life.  He has created a new facebook page, which I was told about.  I did not go looking.  This page is all about being gay.  He has started going out with new friends.  I know he has the right to live his own life, but it really feels like a slap in the face.  

Thanks for listening.

If there's behavior that seems common to almost every gay spouse that is embracing their sexuality, it's behaving like an adolescent again.  They seem to return to a phase (if you're lucky) of being very self-centered and sexually heightened.  In other words, they act like dumb, horny teenagers.  They want to go out constantly, are all about their physical looks and what it can get them, and trying on different partners.  They also often throw themselves with reckless abandon into the gay community - hanging out a gay bars, participating in parades, dressing and acting differently, having a whole new group of friends and establishments they frequent.

Even though many of the gay spouses do the above, not all of them will throw it in your face.  Some are just happy to pursue their bliss.  Others will try to rub the info in your face - I presume as a way of proving just how happy they are now, or trying to show that their life with you wasn't nearly this much fun.  I recommend blocking them on FB (which also blocks you from seeing them).  The less communication you have, the better.  Try to go no contact.  Missing them doesn't mean you should connect with them.  That's what you feel like doing, but it only prolongs the pain.  Try to only contact each other for real emergencies (one of the kids is in the E.R.), or for major child issues - like them getting into trouble with the law, or their grades being very poor.  Otherwise, make it so that all your child's information goes to your ex the same way it does to you.  Add them onto any electronic communications.  Call the school and give them your ex's address, and request that all grades and communication go to both addresses.  Then back away from being his secretary.  If you both have the same access to information, there is no need for you to hand-feed it to him.  Do NOT make plans to meet up for the kids' stuff or events.  Give him the info and if he shows up, he shows up.  If you bump into each other, you can be cordial.  "Hi.  Nice to see you.  Hope you're doing well".  That's.IT.  Walk away and tell your child you'll meet them at the car, and to take their time.  Allow them to chat with their father for a bit and to break off the conversation organically.  Do NOT "thank" him for coming.  No one thanks YOU for coming to your children's events.

Establish a plan that works well for both of you with regards to visitation pick ups and drop offs.  Don't contact your ex about the weekly plan unless you need to alter it.  Whoever has the kids has to accommodate them for any events they have.  If they have an overnight at a friend's on Sat. night, then whichever parent has them that weekend takes them and picks them up.  Do NOT get into the habit of parenting when it's not your weekend.

If he's been gas lighting you, I don't know why you'd want to remain friends.  I think we think we need to do this in order to see that we've risen above the circumstances.  Or that we're capable of remaining friends with someone unconditionally.  Friendships aren't supposed to be unconditional - if someone is a bad friend, you don't want to hang with them.  If he's lied to you, deceived you and betrayed you, I'd say he's not a person worthy of your friendship.

Kel