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  •  » Pomp and Circumstance (shes finally gone).

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    July 18, 2016 12:47 pm  #11

    Rob
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    Re: Pomp and Circumstance (shes finally gone).

    My new life yeah...       Kids came over today to say hi so  her taking them with her was just that...hurt.    So that was positive.

    JK...little steps;  I ordered more pics of the kids  (16x16 canvas's on sale again at photobucket).      I will fill the walls with what is important to me.  Also,   I have my nutribullet set up which I brought previously.  I 'll eat fruits and vegetables..something rationed in my previous life.  

    Kel, I agree on everything you said.  Weekend was spent getting stupid things that she took..  But the aloneness   was large...I thought I was prepared but its going to take time.  Alone is much much better than being with her though...if you put a gun to my head I would not want her back.   I rather die alone that spend another day with her.

    I think the breaking of my normal "avoid her"  routine also stressed me.   I need a new routine... I need a continuous loop.. eat, shower, go to work etc.   I'm sure once I get a new routine down it will help.  

    Definitely need to have friends and family over.   Tonight I'll relax and do whatever I want..  Maybe I'll leave a dirty dish in the sink... I bet no lives will be lost and universe will not collapse.

     

    "For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
     

    July 18, 2016 1:13 pm  #12

    WendiT
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    Re: Pomp and Circumstance (shes finally gone).

    Rob, 

    All those skills and techniques that you have developed over this past year will continue to serve you well. You can do this. I agree with the others, make your home your castle and a sanctuary for your children when they come home.

    Oh, the aloneness is really really hard at first, but real aloneness is being married to a gay spouse. I have come to embrace the aloneness and now see it instead as peace. I don't miss the drama, the anger, the mind games etc. I like my own company. So turn up the stereo and re-decorate and re-claim both your living space and the space inside your heart and your head.  She is gone, let the healing begin.

    And besides, you are not alone...you've got us.

    "No matter how hard the journey may be, remember to be kind to yourself..."
     

    July 18, 2016 9:47 pm  #13

    Rob
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    Re: Pomp and Circumstance (shes finally gone).

    I did better today...settling in, cooking myself dinner... hands steady.

    Then SHE  texted me saying I'm welcome at her new house anytime....  I couldn't believe it...  cheats on me, discards me, treats me like crap for over a year until I'm shaking with trauma ... she's trying to be nice now ?  

    I wanted to text her back how much she hurt me, you kept hurting me.

    I chose standard narcissist procedure...  NO CONTACT.   NO REPLY.   I'm barely starting to heal (blood isn't even dry on the wounds) and I'll be damned if I need to listen to anything she has to say if its not about the kids. 

    First day of the rest of my life..
     

    Last edited by Rob (July 18, 2016 10:03 pm)

    "For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
       •Thread Starter
     

    July 20, 2016 10:03 am  #14

    Keepinghope
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    Re: Pomp and Circumstance (shes finally gone).

    Hi Rob, is it feeling a little better after a few days have passed? I'm excited for you. I moved to my own place and had so much fun making it look and feel like "me." Everyone who comes here says it feels like peace, which is exactly what I wanted. When I come home it feels like a hug.

    If money is tight go to the thrift stores or garage sales. Be picky, just buy things that feel right. I painted all my old wood furniture at little cost and now it feels like new. You can maybe get free paint at a recycling center.

    Like Kel said, this gives you projects for weeks and it is soooo rewarding. Make a space that creates a sense of safety for you and your kids.

    Go Rob!

     

    July 20, 2016 10:25 am  #15

    Rob
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    Re: Pomp and Circumstance (shes finally gone).

    I am feeling sooo much better .   I have not seen her since last week.   

    Saw this saying today;  "It is easier to go down a hill than up, but the view is from the top."--  Arnold Bennett, writer
    So hopefully it was worth all the pain and hell to get here.    I knew I had to go through the (gay) valley,through the flood, through the fire.   I knew I was not a citizen of the valley.  

    Did I make it out.   yes.   
    Was it hell on earth.  yes
    Did I see Satan incarnate on this earth.   yes.
    Did I gain faith in God.  yes
    Will I ever be same..  no.

     

    "For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
       •Thread Starter
     

    July 20, 2016 5:12 pm  #16

    Dee
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    Re: Pomp and Circumstance (shes finally gone).

    I've been out of town and just saw this, wow, it finally happened! So happy for you! It's going to take time to get used to, the first thing I did was change the locks and buy a new couch and chair. I was still on edge for months waiting for him to come walking in like he had been doing. Trust me, you are going to love the non toxic and drama free life soon enough. Cheers!

     

    July 20, 2016 9:02 pm  #17

    Rob
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    Re: Pomp and Circumstance (shes finally gone).

    Thanks dee.

    Having a hard time this week adjusting. 

    I appreciate everyone listening..

    "For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
       •Thread Starter
     

    July 23, 2016 6:04 pm  #18

    PrivateGal
    Unregistered

    Re: Pomp and Circumstance (shes finally gone).

    Rob, I am doing the happy dance for you!

    I'm sorry things are rough for you right now and I know you are really missing your children.  I hope that you at least can take comfort that your ex is FINALLY out of your house.  That has been a Looong time coming.

    I agree with the ideas of others here about how to begin to move past it all and start your new life  Get out there and live!  You deserve it!!!!!

     

    July 24, 2016 6:07 pm  #19

    Still Wondering
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    Re: Pomp and Circumstance (shes finally gone).

    Holy crap!!  I go on vacation and come back to great news!!!  Congratulations!! 

    I agree with the others, redecorate, paint, remove sheets, get a new mattress if it's in your budget.  When I bought my little house last year a friend of mine brought me this big cigar looking stick of sage.  She said you're supposed to open all the windows, light it, and go around the house into every room with it.  This is supposed to remove all past and negative energy from a home.  Now.... I don't usually buy in to that stuff but I sure as heck did it!  And I think you should too!  I have no idea where she got it.  Probably online. 

    Good for you!  I'm so happy for you!!

     

    July 24, 2016 7:24 pm  #20

    Sue
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    Re: Pomp and Circumstance (shes finally gone).

    SW,

    That is so funny, my therapist recommended the same thing -- burn some sage and get the bad mojo out!

    Sue:-)

    "You want a man who messes up your lipstick, not your mascara."
     

     

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