The house is yours: redecorate. Reclaim that bedroom. If you want to get rid of the bed sell it, donate it or just move it to another room.  You can get some nice stuff cheap it you are patient and know what your tastes are by checking Craigslist and yard sales. Thrift shops, Freecycle.com and even just stuff put out by the curb can yield some good finds. What colors do YOU like? Re-paint.

Somehow it all falls together and you begin to feel proud of what you've accomplished. You start smiling and people  smile back. You have come a long way on this journey so congratulations and best wishes for your future. 

Rob, I'm sorry it wasn't the triumphant occasion you were hoping for. All the same, congratulations on a big step forward. I truly cannot imagine what it would've been like to have lived with my ex for as long as you have and having to be constantly reminded of who she is and who she is not.

You've earned a celebration or at least a pat on the back for what you've endured.

The locks are definitely step one. Next you need to figuratively open the windows and blow out the cobwebs. As others have said - paint is a good start. Rearrange the furniture so it's different. Change the curtains. Put up new pictures and photos. If you had a two-car side by side parking system, now park dead-center. Take it a room at a time and show the kids they still have an inviting home at your home. You may not experience euphoria but a quiet calm can be a nice change. I think we are all happy for you and I hope this is the start of the new you. Cheers!

Thanks guys.  I spent the weekend helping my family with stuff as they helped me so.much during this past year.. I also was shopping for all kinds of annoying things she took with here...ie the vacuum.

Unfortunately I missed my kids both times they stopped at the house.  Perhaps best if she was there.   But she'll be dropping the one at house a lot..   my kids I want to see but not her.

I don't know how to describe it but I still have fear..fear she'll go through my house with the kids.   
I don't want her anywhere near my home but she has to drop off the kid.   It sounds paranoid but there it is.

Congrats, Rob!  This has been a looooong time coming.  I'm sure you couldn't wait for this, but you might not have envisioned it as coming home to an empty, silent home.  It's kind of anti-climactic, I'm sure.  But try to see it as a blank slate for a new beginning.  You know you'll see plenty of the kids.  Make a point of trying to connect with them every night - it's something to look forward to - for both you AND them.  They are not only dealing with being without you, but trying to settle into their new home - missing their old one.

I agree with everyone else on making the house truly yours again.  Change the locks first.  I do know what you mean about being fearful of her coming through the house again.  I had this issue when my ex first moved out, but only when he came to drop the kids off.  He was supposed to be there at 5, but sometimes he'd show up as much as 2 hours early, and if I wasn't home, he'd just sit there in the house with them.  I had to change the locks and not give him a key.  The kids each had their own house key because they would need one for coming home from school while I was still at work.  Of course, they often didn't take the key with them when they left for the weekend with their dad.  This resulted in a few instances where they were locked out.  And my ex had to deal with it.  He'd call and be all rude: "We're at the house and YOU'RE.NOT!"  I'd be like, "Well, why are you there two hours early?  I'm supposed to sit home all day in case you come early?  Call me next time to clear this first, and then we won't have any issue. Or make sure when you pick them up that at least one of them has a house key.  I can be home in about 45 minutes.  You'll have to wait until then."  A few times of that and we didn't have that issue anymore.  My kids would usually say something when I got home - "Mom, we've been waiting forEVer - where WERE you???"  And I'd say, "No one told me you guys were coming home early.  I was finishing grocery shopping.  I should have had hours left.  I had no idea that you'd need to wait on me".  Throw the blame back where it belongs.  They eventually started taking their house keys.  Now that they're older they always have keys on them and it's no problem for them to be there for several hours alone.  Still, I try to be home for when they return.

I think that cleaning out the metaphorical cobwebs is a great idea.  Cleaning and re-arranging are essentially free.  Go buy some new sheets for the bed, rip the old ones off and toss them right into the trash.  Good riddance!  If you have the money to do things like paint or buys some new stuff, then by all means, do it.  Put it on your weekend to-do list.  Next week - new shower curtain and some dishes.  The week after, new towels and a lamp for the living room.  Or whatever you need.  You don't have to do it all at once, but embarking on it as if it's a project can be fun and give you a sense of accomplishment and ownership.  And don't forget to play music.  You've spent enough time being sad; put on some of your favorite tunes, including something that makes you feel like moving while you're doing your cleaning / rearranging / re-decorating.  Get your energy pumped up!  Have a plan for what you're going to do after you get something done.  Are you going to reward yourself with a movie out after a day spent making changes?  Are you planning on trying a new eatery?  How about re-connecting with a good friend or two to hang out with?  Don't forget to get yourself a few new things that make you look and feel better when you're away from the house, too - maybe a new shirt or a new pair of shoes.  Start claiming your life back, even if you don't know yet what you want that to look like.  Get out there and you'll find a shirt.  Go to the paint store and you'll find a color you like.  Don't be afraid.  You can re-do it if you don't like it.  Life is about re-invention.

Welcome to your new life, Rob!

Kel