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1 - Sue
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Got served papers today
Well my husband signed the dissolution papers to file for divorce on our 19th anniversary and I got served today.
I cried buckets in the shower.
I want the hurt to stop. I'm scared. I don't know how to be a single parent to 3 kids. All my dreams of the future have been obliterated. I'm trying to find a job for the first time in 10 years.
It just sucks. There is no betrayal like this imaginable. How could he lie to me for 20 years? It blows my mind and heart. And how in the hell will I find joy or trust again?
Those papers made it all so fucking real. I'm somewhere between sadness and wanting to rip his fucking head off. Or at least hold a gun to his throat so he can see what I've felt like every day since he left 9 months ago.
Life has to get better than this.
My kids need strong mom, but I can't compete with the Disney dad show going on at daddy and his bf's house. And now my 13 year old has decided she's a lesbian, hates me, and her stupid father can't even see how hard she's trying to hold on to him in case he abandons her again.
This sucks so completely.
"You want a man who messes up your lipstick, not your mascara."
- Mary
- New member
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Re: Got served papers today
Sue, I'm so sorry to hear about how you feel. I feel your pain. Keep in mind you are not alone. I know this is very difficult time but believe me it will pass.
Please be confident that you will find a job and that will open a huge horizon for you and your kids.
I'm sorry about your daughter's behaviour towards you. You can't control others' feelings so try to think and let go the things that you can't control.
I'm in the same boat trying to find a job. I was told by my case manager that one of the most stressing situations in life are the ones we are living. So try to understand that you were put in a very awful situation that is unfair but you are so valuable that your life must continue and you will succeed.
E-hugs.
Last edited by Mary (June 13, 2016 6:25 pm)
- Daryl
- Member
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Re: Got served papers today
It will get better. Many describe this journey as a roller coaster and I think it truly is. Good days, bad days, eventually the hills and valleys start to get smaller so the up and down isn't so steep and fast. It's probably best not to come on too strong with your teen, some things have to be learned by youth and maybe the best you can do is be there unconditionally. As for 'Disney Dad', as a co-parent I think you have the right to expect him to make sure her well-being is looked after and not just her vicarious thrills. Hang tight - small steps every day.
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
- Robben
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Re: Got served papers today
Sue,
I am sorry that you are in a very painful process right now. You must have felt your marriage would have been more secure in his coming out. While we do not always intend to hurt others sometimes we have to see past the sexual issues to get our more motivational strategies in check and working functionally. I felt like a single parent many times, until my wife and I decided we would share all of our issues openly at PFLAG, you see I do not live with her, and reuniting with my children has been one gift followed by another. I suppose that would be my only advice is to try not to amend the past concerning your ex husband, but really work on getting to know your children and what is in their interest. They will have no use for a Mother who apologizes for something or someone who is made to be unavailable. Trust your children and do not try to win your spouses approval. Let them know that Gay or Straight you are filled with hopes for them, and they will thank you for providing such support.
Thank You,
Robben
- Rob
- Member
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Re: Got served papers today
..don't try to compete with Disney dad. Be stoic and take care of yourself. Try to be the same person you always were...kind of that "fake it till you make" method. Its hard as hell but your kids will see their mom and though you really feel a shadow of your former self they see just "mom" and the more we can show them that we're alive, beaten, but not defeated the better. We will show them true love. I will show my lezex that my love for the kids and my faith in God is stronger than anything she can imagine. My love is authentic, true and genuine. It does not change because things are tough or the weather is bad. It does not waver and falter and shift to another person. My kids are now the recipients of absolute love. Yours are too. I will not judge but I know the love/attention/affection of our gay spouses can not be relied on..it can change with the weather. Our kids will find sanctuary and absolute love and support from us.
We walk by faith and not by sight.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Still Wondering
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Re: Got served papers today
You will find joy and trust again and you will know you've found it because you will feel it. You will feel the butterflies of a new relationship one day or experience people doing nice things for you and one day you will just realize that shit happens but there's always good out there. For every shitball of a person there are 10 good ones that deserve the same love and support that you do.
One day he won't be Disney Dad anymore. One day they will understand the full truth.
- Rob
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Re: Got served papers today
How are you doing sue?
Just wanted to say I had my first yoga class and it was amazing. It nice actually doing something for me...I spent my whole marriage taking care of my lezex and the kids..
..to be lying on the mat with no one cursing at me and calling me worthless.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Gail
- Unregistered
Re: Got served papers today
Sue, so sorry this is your life right now. I know (and you may be suspecting) that you are in for a long battle. It is, this was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with including the death of my parents. I remember screaming and wailing and feeling it would never get better. It took a long time, but Sue it really does get better.
You will need all your energy, so take care of your body. You will need support, so round up friends family and professionals who can help. Look for support groups or IC who "get it." Journal, read, post here. Be kind to yourself, and keep looking for goodness in the world. Beauty anywhere you can. Have hope. Find peace in the fact that you don't have to swallow any more lies. Love your children, play with them. Change your furniture around, get rid of anything you don't love. Go new places. Try new things.take ADs if you need to.
Yes, you can. And I promise you will come out stronger and richer. Don't forget, those kiddos need you even if they don't know it yet. Hugs!
- Sue
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Re: Got served papers today
Thank you, Gail😍
"You want a man who messes up your lipstick, not your mascara."
- •
Thread Starter- Coping in silence
- New member
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Re: Got served papers today
Hi Sue,
I can't say I know you pain because I've never been served with divorce papers. I can't imagine your pain. You didn't say who's decision it was to separate 9 months ago. I'm sure you experienced a multitude of emotions when you found out about hIs alternate lifestyle. I'm sure you were very angry, felt betrayed and humiliated, just as we all were when we discovered our spouse's secret life. Did you throw him out? Is he in a significant relationship with someone else? Did he walk out on you of his own volition? Did he serve you with papers because he believed there could be no resolution? Most importantly, the severity of your reaction leads me to believe you may still love him, that you may regret your actions... I'm not finding blame so please don't misunderstand my questions.
Have you asked yourself if this is what you want? If you tried to understand him, would he do the same? Do you still love him? If the answers are yes, then there is always hope. Its never too late.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not into your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to Him, and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3: 5-6