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July 29, 2016 11:15 am  #11

Re: new member seeking answers

P.S. - yes, fecal stains in underwear are from anal sex.  They're called the Hershey Squirts.  Unless the man is actively ill when it's happening, or is on some medication where "anal leakage" is a side effect, there is no reason for that to be happening other than anal sex being performed on him.


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

July 29, 2016 8:10 pm  #12

Re: new member seeking answers

We want so desperately to believe them, but in our heart of hearts we know that they are lying. The mere fact that you are here and that you have uncovered anything gay related Suggest that he is gay.   I was told that straight men want sex and are very persistent until they get it.  My husband would accommodate me sexually but rarely initiated sex. Your husband is sexually attracted to men so what that means for you is that he doesn't desire you sexually. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you in some platonic way, but not in the way that you deserve to be loved.  My advise to you is to decide to love youself enough to let this chump go. You deserve to be with a man that desires you, values and respects you. If you remain In This situation you will continue to stoop to looking for evidence of his secret gay life, and when you look, you will surely find something and then what?

At age 60, I just recently filed for divorce from my husband of 35 years. I've been a stay home mom for the last fifteen years of our marriage. Yes, I'm concerned of how things wifi workout for me, but I'm glad that I finally found the courage to leave a marriage that was so mentally abusive that it pretty much destroyed my self esteem. He portrayed himself as a bible toting Christian on Sundays, but got up early every Saturday and disappear for hours.  He carried on a thirty year affair with the minister of music of our church and this guy was our daughter's godfather.. He was a fixture in my home. My husband was brazen he just didn't give a dam about the appearance of being inseparable with this man or allowing him to become a member of our family.  I could go on and on about all the gay evidence that I found against him, but I choose to move forward and not look back.  I guess in my case, I stopped loving him some time ago.. What I think we call love for these men is actually dependency brought on by constant rejection.

The good news for me is that the month before I made my final exit (left about four times prior), I met a wonderful man in the paper product isle in the grocery store. He thought  I was so beautiful and charming. We've only been talking on the phone, but he has already helped me feel good about myself and stop obsessing about that jerk of an ex husband. I don't  how things will work out with this man, but for now I'm happy and that is what I so wanted to be.

My advise is start thinking more about you and what you want for your life and less about him and his despicable acts.  You deserve better than this man. The worst feeling is to feel alone and abandon in a marriage.


September 20, 2016 11:50 am  #13

Re: new member seeking answers

Wonderful post Lavergne, thanks, and here's to that.  There can be a cycle of being pushed away, feeling more needy as a result, and becoming more dependent.  Only a needy person would put up with all the rejection and lies. Finally aged 64 I'm standing on my own two feet.  Women who hesiste in ending a fake relationship are missing out on having a whole, real, life in which they take charge of their own destiny.   I think also those of us who stayed a long time need to look at why we put up with these obviously fake relationships.  In some cases (and I'm thinking of myself) were we running away from having relations with a 'real man' and avoiding the serious business of looking after ourselves.  I wish I had grown up sooner, but better late than never.


September 20, 2016 10:22 pm  #14

Re: new member seeking answers


I was dependent but could not take the rejection and lies...I would shake with trauma.
It got to the point where if I was living on the street I'd be treated better. 

Never too late to escape their closet.

"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7

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