Have you ever in the past suggested to your husband if you could have a "cheat" day? That you could explore, with NO questions asked, whatever or who ever you wanted?? I doubt it.  As hard as it is to accept, your marriage has been over for a long, long time, and he's not who you thought he was. We bargain, and beg, and spy, and throw up, and lay on the floor, and finally accept, and pick ourselves up because we know what we need to do for ourselves. None of us took our marriage vows lightly, and we never, ever wanted to put our kids through this. He's NOT your friend, I was married 30 years, my one regret is that I had divorced him many years earlier. Stay the course , you are worth it, and you CAN do it.
Best of luck.

Flakes

You can post whatever you want here.  Its not like we can talk to our spouses.  They are not rational.  Mine is ..crazy...psycho...

Who were we before lost ourselves in our spouses?  I feel like I'm crawling back from some bad dream.. 
Reality is now as a divorced person I can do whatever I want.. right now I just want a safe haven for me  and my kids.  In the future it would be wonderful to meet someone. ..but so far the only straight and trustful women I know for a fact are my sister and you gals.
I know it's expected but I find it sad..  tell me there are authentic woman out there that mean what they promise.  Tell me there are people whose words and actions are true.

Last edited by Rob (July 9, 2016 12:30 pm)

Can you find a therapist?  You can always post here for sure .. I recall Kel digging me out of despair many a time.
Know that you are not crazy and you didn't cause it.

So I'm trying just like you...im divorced but can't get her to leave my home. Always a few more weeks ..just a few more...

Anyways write back if you can.  I always give an earful (as you can tell by my so many posts).  Not sure I help much other than to throw in a "me too". 

E-hugs (virtual but authentic)

Be kind to yourself.    He can take the kids to the movies.
Gather strength and courage. .small steps each day.  Take a mental health day tomorrow..stay in your routines..    maybe start gathering some your bank account numbers.  Don't worry about being sneaky..he did now worry.  Or not...all in your own time..

Ehugs

I didn't go, it was hard enough to say goodbye to my kids for the first time... I have never had to do anything that hard... This is the first time my husband has ever been alone with the kids... They are both very very attached to me, I was a stay at home mom, I have only been away from them a handful of times... And always for a weekend get away with my husband.

Another hard thing today, my husband actually said it, it's the first time it's been said... We are separated... I mean I have known since Wednesday we have been separated... But I was not going to be the one to say it. I did NOTHING wrong in our marriage. I gave the marriage my all... I did everything I could to save the marriage even after this. I was NOT going to be the one to say it... He has to take the blame.

He also apologized for all of his past behaviours. For months he has caused fight over such miniscule things, like getting juice for the kids, helping me switch over laundry (not fold or put it away, simply put from the washer to the dryer if I was busy) just really minimal effort things he would trip out over. He apologized and said he was just frustrated with this secret he had. Although the situation sucks, it's nice to see he realizes he has been tough to be around for awhile...

I'm terrified to have to see him with somebody else one day... I love this man with everything I have... I hope all these emotions pass soon...

Lastly he told him aunt today, who supported him, which will help him. He was so scared to tell her. I'm very close with his aunt, I knew she would be there for him, if nobody else I knew she would... I hope this makes things a little easier on him... Because I do love him, just hate what he did to me...