I was in shock for almost exactly 2 years after the day I discovered my x was a gay man in denial. I completely lost my mind for a solid 2 years. If that wasn't bad enough, about a year into it the gaslighting started. The evil took over his body and mind and he began to try to destroy me. It started very subtle and went to an extreme that I cannot even talk about right now.

For those of you wondering, gaslighting is a term that came from a 1944 movie called Gaslight. Gaslight is an American 1944 mystery-thriller film, adapted from Patrick Hamilton's 1938 play Gas Light, about a woman whose husband slowly manipulates her into believing that she is going insane.

My GIDX waged an all out campaign to render me insane. It started with him taking things of mine and then putting them back after my exhaustive search leading me to believe those things were there the entire time. For example, I took a 5-minute trip to the store and when I returned, my nightshirt that I left on the bed was missing. I questioned him about it and he had me leave the bedroom and check places in the house. As I did this, he put my shirt on top of the ceiling fan and called me back into the bedroom. He pointed to it and told me that I "must have flung it up there when I took it off." I didn't know whether to laugh or be extremely frightened of him. Actually, I was both. The beginning of the horror movie starts here.......

I responded with a burst of laughter as he added, "Tara, I have to seriously question your sanity." The very frightening thing here was that he was laughing too, like he knew I didn't buy his bullshit but he pressed on like a soldier intending in winning the war at all costs. NEVER giving in.

More and more and more things like this happened in the house. My things were missing, then appeared. Then it turned to harassment, such as taking my shoe and hiding it, putting my clean clothes in the catbox until they were pissed on and then putting them back in my closet, taking money straight out of my purse, putting egg yolks where I would slip and fall, dumping out my shampoo, put soap in my drinking glass, taking 1 of all of my earrings. He started to bust things of mine and he wound up taking a lot of things that are not replaceable like my baby pictures and pictures of friends and relatives that died from when I was a kid - things he knew would hurt me. I could go on and on and on and on. I had him physically removed from the house (my house) by the sheriff. Still all along he was professing to the police that it was ME who was losing my mind and he did NONE of the things I said he did.

But what makes this gaslighting is that this ENTIRE TIME he pretended to be my very best friend. He made all kinds of promises to me to my face that he would always take care of me and never desert me and help me when I needed it. But he was literally stabbing me in the back every time I turned around. I so desperately wanted my husband back and wanted to believe what he said but his actions spoke WAY louder than words. I was in so much disbelief and so scared of him by the end, it was a horror I cannot describe.

He would say things to me like, "I NEVER SAID THAT," but I knew full well that he did say that - whatever it was. Or, he would say, "I TOLD YOU THAT !!!," when I know he didn't tell me whatever it was. The mind f*ck was immeasurable. It was constant and a nonstop campaign to render me insane. Sadly for him it didn't work. However, he is now telling the entire neighborhood that I am on psych meds and I have "psych issues." None of which is true. He is trying very hard to play out his plan of having the entire rest of the world think I am insane - all in an effort to hide his secret. All for the sake of the LIE. No one will believe an insane person when they say their husband is gay, right? He turned on me in so many ways I cannot even count and in the end intended on destroying me and my life to save his own. (If you can believe it, things got worse from here but that story is for another time.)

If any of you have questions about gaslighting, I will be happy to talk to you about it. It appears this happens a lot with men who deny their sexuality. Some of them will go to sick extremes to stay in the closet. I thank God every day that he has seen me through this thus far.

Peace,

Tara