Laurence wrote:

lily wrote:

now I am going to say what I think.  so far I do not believe there is a single man who has left his lesbian wife.  it always ends when the wife says so.  so unless you want to buck that trend, relax, you're not going anywhere.  not until she says so.  

, Lily

I thought this was an interesting observation - that the men don't leave.

I think TedB is going to be the exception to this.  All indications are that he is the one pressing forward to dissolve the marriage to his lesbian wife.    http://straightspouse.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?id=478&p=1


But I think the observation is generally correct.  Myself included.   I was still in love with my wife and wouldn't have left her for a long time.  I would have stayed in misery trying to fix the situation, save my marriage, protect my kids, etc..   



LoneWelshman, I'm so sorry you are going through this.  It's absolutely horrible.  I went through the such a similar situation..  16 years, 2 kids, losing her to another woman..   It's like you found my own first post and copied my words.  Perhaps the one difference that made my life easier is that I wasn't financially dependent on her.  So that helped me quite a lot.  I don't know your situation of course, but I would start thinking more creatively about ways to make the finances work if you separate.  I think 20 years from now you will look back and find more value in your life experiences and moving forward asap that you will in what house you lived in or what car you drove, etc..  Do you have parents to move in with for a bit?  Can you find a roommate?  A cheaper home or apartment?  Cut a car payment?   Just some ideas.  I think after you read the stories of so many other str8 spouses you will find that they most regret staying in their marriages and homes and enduring the psychological and emotional abuse and pain vs. the financial losses. 

LoneWelshman, can she move out?  Or, won't because she wants to stay married?  Remember, you are important too.  

Husband doesn't want me, no intimacy here either. It's almost like he's waiting for me to seek comfort elsewhere so he will have a reason to divorce so his exposure of his true self will be minimal or at all. After all, he puts on this public persona of this really nice guy that's humble and caring...what a joke. He's one cruel SOB. It's like I have become a child, sister, or ??? just not his wife. I do believe biblically speaking that he has given up any rights or claim over me. He lost those when the trust was broken...that's an understatement. I am not his wife anymore (not that he treats me like that anyway). PTSD is something that I have to deal with. Also, when the gay spouse makes you in to be that crazy person, they brainwash your children into believing it too. I trust that as he grows up and knows that this is not the way a normal marriage or relationship is supposed to function, he will know that his mother is/was not crazy. I will not settle for a marriage of convenience while he has his cake and eats it too. I am worth more than that and know that someone would value and love me the way a husband should. No one should "settle" for anything less! I just have to figure out how to divorce this man as he has also put financial stress on the marriage too. I think this is also done with purpose as he knows it will make it harder for me to leave. 

Rob wrote:

sharon,,
Gather strength and plan your exit.  Living demeaned and in their closet is no way to live.   
 

Agreed and a half.

Hi Lily, I am already thinking about it.  This is a short term measure until I can get her out, which I can't for a while. She'd have no means of supporting herself and as she's my children's mother, I'm not going to see her suffer - she will have the compassion from me that she has not shown me for so many years - for me, keeping the moral high ground is everything.