This is such a great story jkpeace!  So happy to see positive determination that things will and do get better, and you are finding the way that is right for you.   You deserve much more than warm banana bread, but it's fantastic you could share that.  And I'm glad the kids were part of it as well. 

Peace and love to you, JKPeace...

Jkpeace,

Just like you I spent Christmas eve, Christmas day and New Years eve with my now ex GID husband. After feeling depressed immediately after the divorce was finalized , I went through a gamut of emotions. For one I felt regret and fear, the second thoughts came back, did I do the right thing? Should I have given him a second chance? Was I too hasty? Then I stepped back and looked at how I came to this decision. He betrayed me numerous times, he lied and cheated and exposed me to STDs. He would never change his sexuality and I was just a convenient safe haven. I would only be postponing my pain. Then I felt free and at peace.

I felt a weight lift off me and along with it the righteous anger gave way to acceptance. These things have happened, I have enforced my boundary by divorcing him. The only thing we share now are the kids and it would be better to co-parent without animosity. I was planning to spend Christmas out of town with the kids but then I thought about it, there is no sense dividing the time with the kids. So instead I asked him to come to the house for Christmas eve dinner, he cooked and then Christmas day we went out with the kids. New year's eve he came and cooked dinner too and we just hung out. I'm glad I did that because by showing the kids that we can get along and be good parents to them I felt it took the tension and stress that was palpable before whenever i was with my ex.

I know this approach is not for everybody. But it is working for me. When I let go of the anger I felt less tense and less stressed. Anger propelled me to protect myself and seek divorce. It was a useful emotion after being depressed. But now with acceptance I feel more free. This is not to say everything has been perfect or will be perfect from here onwards. My guard is still up for whatever will happen. My ex did not transform into an angel, far from it.  But I am more hopeful everyday that I can make it, the kids will make it and we will be ok. This is the hardest thing that I have ever done --- letting go of the man that I still love honestly but at the end of the day I realized I need to love myself too.

Happy New Year everybody and prayers for each of our journeys.