I am joining your support network and hoping to be able to offer and receive some guidance with the issues i face which I see many of you are facing as well. 

In December (4 days before Christmas) I received a phone call from a man who wanted me to know my husband was gay, had been with him and was now annoying him with inappropriate texts. I'm still to this day not really sure why he called me but I now call this whistle blower St Michael because his phone call allowed me the opportunity to know vs not know.

I then found out (from my husband) that there had been MANY men over the course of the past 2 years. Very shortly after Christmas, I made the decision to put together an exit plan and we are now in the process of divorce.  Although I thought we could do it amicably through collaborative divorce, he wound up hiring an attorney (who use to be a friend of mine) and has a reputation of being cut throat.  Although we are now about 90% there as far as our divorce agreements, despite her threats, I'm sooo frustrated that this process is so costly and it is now about $10,000 each !!! Most of the negotiations we could have done over the kitchen table but he refused!

Then, just yesterday, I found out that in addition to these "bi-affairs" as he called them, which I assumed to be casual sexual encounters with men, but I learned that he had been actually "dating" a local guy, who claims he was in love with my husband.  Apparently gave him an ultimatum and my husband chose to stay married. The kicker is that I know the guy pretty well and now I'm floored, angry and not sure how to handle the situation.

UGGH !!!  I guess all this gay/bi husband stuff still pretty new to me.  I'm not sure how to act around this other man when I see him.  I guess I was not "supposed to know" about the affair ( my husband doesn't know I know) and my husband doesn't plan to come "out " or admit he is gay (GID) so I'm not sure what is going to happen on his end once the divorce is finalized. He tells everyone that the marriage hasn't been working and he's been unhappy for many years.(another surprise to me).

Complicating the matter are our 3 beautiful children.  I am blessed that the two older girls are young adults (21 & 19) and are modern enough in their thinking to accept a gay father but it is frustrating that he seems to be in their good graces and they really don't know the story, so why wouldn't he be.  How do I teach them why I could no longer stay married, without hurting him or them by telling them the truth.  Also, my son who is 12 and has no idea is often mad at me for breaking up the family.  

I'm also very sad to be losing my friend, partner and most of all to lose the person I thought he was and that I would grow old with.  Not sure why, but I still love him ?  We have both been living at home through this whole time but he has been in the downstairs bedroom.  My attorney said you really can't kick him out so you need to figure out a way to cohabitate.  I guess we have done a pretty good job of that and sometimes we even cry on each others shoulder.  It's so sad and stupid but I decided I could not and would not live with someone who has no morals, can't be honest and is gay.  He still doesn't even accept responsibility for this divorce or failed marriage being his fault and he claims I haven't been "there for him" or the kids  (which is BS).

I'm also frustrated about the money issue because we both work hard to keep one household and now it is going to be divided and I may be getting in over my head to afford the house, the car, the living expenses, my own insurance (it use to be through his school contract), I have no disability insurance, no back up plan, not much in savings and 2 kids in college. Just scarey...and frustrating to be put in this position and have to go "halves" with the person who was clearly the one to "want out" by his behavior.  We are a "no fault state", so I have been told the courts don't really care who caused the divorce. 

So, I'm just FRUSTRATED, then I found your website after reading a few Dear Abby columns about the subject so I thought maybe as things progress I'll be able to vent a little and also gain some insight and support.  I don't know how things will work out for my little guy who will soon see/feel/experience first hand the separation of his parents and family.  I want to get him some counseling but we haven't started that process yet.  I worry about how a Dad who has NO integrity, honesty or can not be monogamous can teach his child to be an honorable young man.

 I'm also conflicted about what to say to friends who have ask why we are getting divorced.  Many have actually come up to me and asked "is your husband gay"?  (its a small town).  And I'm worried that my little guy will find out thru the grapevine instead of from his Mom or Dad (who refuses to have any such discussions and claims he is not, nor is it anyone's business but his own what he does or doesn't do). 

Just very very frustrated by this whole messy business and trying to find good ways to keep us moving on to brighter days ahead.

Cheers and Thank you for listening to my frustrations.