Tam,all,

I got nothing to add this morning but a big warm e-hug for everyone (a manly buddy one for the guys). This because I know we all need sincere hugs and not ones hidden with deception.

It still boggles my mind to this day.. we're  in therapy,  the kids are in therapy..and these gay spouses still think they are morally right.  They say you can spot a narcissist by the destruction they leave around them.  No, it's not us..we're ok and normal.  We were kind and honest.  Its the lies and abuse over TGT that has us all in therapy..

Dear OutOfHisCloset,
I don't know the age of your son, but age appropriate honesty when telling him.  Best Wishes

Hi Tam,

I'm 6 years post-disclosure, and have been remarried for 3.5 years now - with him for 5 years altogether.  I was married to my ex (father of my three kids) for 16 years at the time of our divorce.  I'm here to tell you that you WILL make it out of this, and that life still has endless possibilities for you and all your children.  At the moment, it may feel like your life is ruined from this.  But what your ex is doing doesn't have to be the title of the book that is your life - it can be just a chapter (or a few), and the ending is unwritten yet.  I know that all sounds like platitudes, but I swear to GOD it's true.  Have hope there.

Is there a reason that your ex NEEDS to stay until June?  If not, tell him it's time to go.  The others here are right - you would never in a million years let him stay and cheat with another person if that individual was a straight woman.  So many times I see the gay thing trump the cheating thing - and it shouldn't.  Gay (to me) is just the nail in the coffin.  The real issue here is that he's lied to you all, cheated on you, risked your health, deceived you, and sounds like he's gaslighting you (look up the term is you're unaware of what it means).  He should be kicked out like yesterday's trash - especially if he's using his time while still in the home to a) date others, and b) poison your childrens' minds.  I know you're used to loving for him and doing what's best for him, but he's NOT being doing that for you or his children.  So he needs to GO.

Your biggest need now is to protect your kids and their mother - bottom line.  You cannot do that with him still in the house.  Your marriage is your kids' example of what to expect and accept someday for themselves in their own relationships.  If you wouldn't want your kids to stay in a relationship where they and their own children are being treated the way you and yours are, then you cannot, under any circumstances, model that behavior for them.  You are teaching them that they need to take what their spouse dishes out even when it's lies, deceit, unfaithfulness and gaslighting.  I know that's not how you want to parent, but you're so used to being on your husband's side that it's difficult to make the break.  Well, I'm here to tell you that he's already done that for you.  All you have to do is recognize it and decide that you are your children's champion and you will be what they need from their mother right now.  You can and WILL be able to do it.  TRUST me.  Your older kids wanting to confront their father about his behavior means you're not hiding anything from these observant, sensitive individuals, and you letting them continue to be in a household with a man who would harm them and their mother emotionally every day is the opposite of what you need to be doing.  Go tell the kids that they deserve to feel safe and loved and cherished, and that dad's not doing that, so he's gotta GO.  And that they can talk to you anytime about their feelings.  And that you'll need them during this time just as much as they'll need you.  That you all need to come together as a force so you can make it through the storm.  And that the sun WILL come out one day very soon.  Until then, you'll all huddle around each other and be each others' strength.

As for him blaming you and the kids for "harming" him - that's complete and utter bullshit.  He knows it, too.  He's hoping you'll all be dumb enough to believe it, too.  DON'T BE.  Any time he opens his mouth from now on, you just say, "ENOUGH.  I'm not listening to this bullshit any longer.  YOU cheated, you CONTINUE to cheat.  You lied, you hide, you deceive.  I will NOT take blame for this.  It's OVER.  Get OUT."

Contact a lawyer immediately.  Consultations are free.  They can give you some idea of what to work on, what to expect, how much time and money you're looking at depending on your situation.  Move forward - use your anger as fuel.  Save the sadness for later - after he's gone and there's a functioning daily routine.  Seek counseling for all of you.  And yes, the younger kids need to know, too.  Not just that he's gay, but that he's been mistreating you and hurting your heart and he needs to go.

I'm sorry if my words are too strong.  I just feel very strongly about the wrecking ball not continuing the remain in the house, continuing to wreck.  You'll never heal that way - ANY of you.  He's made his bed, and it's time for him to be a man and take responsibility for his choices.  Allowing him to live in the home and date and confuse the hell out of everyone is NOT doing that.  If he won't do it, then you won't have him there.  Don't give him the option of starting to do the right thing now - it's too late.  He's shown his true colors.  Act accordingly.

Best of luck to you -

Kel