Hey everyone - for those that know, I joined up here about 5 years ago. Wife at the time had come out as a lesbian, had an on-going affair for months, claimed she needed some time alone to sort things out, but I later found she had a different affair partner (different than the AP I found out about) and was never alone and had been doing both of them. I am skipping an absurd amount of details, but the divorce has been final since early 2023. (took until 2024 but the courts recognize the date we moved out of the joint house) I got hosed and my support payments were approximately 40% of my income. She was immediately co-habitating. However, in Ohio, unless specifically written, that is impossible to prove unless they open a joint bank account or buy property together. So, I wait 2 years, documenting all of the damage to my kids, all of the things she said about me to the kids and her attempting to erase me from their life. 

Then, in late 2025, she calls the cops on one of my daughters. Why? Because a kid nearly old enough to drive did not want to go to the pumpkin patch with her mother and her partner, I kid you not. So she attacks my daughter and then calls the cops and claims my daughter attacked her. My daughter has never returned to her home since. Despite this, and 2 separate psych evals by court appointed professionals specifically calling out my ex as "completely incapable of emotional regulation" and "not able to accept responsibility for her actions", the courts did nothing. During this time, she hid her financials records, ignoring an order to produce, a motion to compel and the judge telling her
live in court to produce the documents. Nothing. So I file for sanctions. Judge sets a date to rule on sanctions. That day comes and goes, nothing. no explanation, judge just decided she wasnt going to take any action.

In between this, her father passes away and she sends a classic high conflict message. Keep in mind texting isnt allowed outside of emergencies for the kids. She never told me about her father, but the kids told me so I was aware. Her text says "Cant get to app, but please check on "daughters name" and ensure she is ok". Me, holding the boundaries I've held for so long, screenshot, open OFW, attack her text, and respond with "She is with me, I'll ensure she is supported". According to research, this is called an emotional pulse check, to make up a reason to see if she could bypass my boundary with something "urgent". I said nothing of her father, not because I am an asshole, but because she doesnt get access to me anymore, for any reason, now or ever. 

So, days before her father passed, I had filed another motion for a hearing and simultaneously subpoena her bank records. 

It took less than 2 hours from court notice of the record being subpoenaed for her to contact my attorney and offer to remove all payments permanently, in exchange for dropping the case. By doing so she would forgo over 5 years of alimony, which made up the majority of support I was paying. (I never negotiated child support, even though I had the kids 50% of the time). 

Result: 4.5 years later. I am engaged, my finace and I are planning to move in together. (prenup this time, lol) I owe nothing and the courts do not retain jurisdiction, no modifications can be made. I have finally cut off this toxic adult from my life. She is only allowed to contact me through OFW for medical and emergencies pertaining to the kids. Nothing else. It took nearly 5 years for what was known from day 1, even if I or others did not initially accept it. Hold true to your boundaries, stay consistent, it can get better. My life is exponentially better without her in it and this entire process forced me to understand myself, the ways I self abandoned, the ways I could have been a better husband (wouldnt have made a difference, but I still could have done things better). I am healthy, have been off anti-depressants since 2 weeks of going low/no contact with her over 3 years ago. 

Presence is the key. Tomorrow never comes, all we have it today. For those new, there will be brighter days. For all of the friends from before me and during my time, thank you for helping me know, I wasnt alone. It was the darkest time in my life, but as a result, the lightest time has arrived and hasn't left me since. Thank you!