I recently discovered that my husband has been secretly having sexual encounters with men throughout our relationship, and I'm struggling to understand what this means about his sexuality and our marriage.

This wasn't a one-time experiment. There have been multiple encounters over the years, along with a history of secretly exploring gay and trans-related sexual content online.

My husband has struggled with cocaine addiction for years. He also experienced repeated sexual abuse by an older boy during childhood.

According to him, his encounters with men happened while he was using cocaine. He insists that he's straight, that he's only romantically and emotionally attracted to women, and that he has no desire to be in a relationship with a man.

He believes his behavior is connected to addiction, unresolved childhood trauma, and a desire for sexual humiliation and submission, rather than genuine attraction to men.

What confuses me most is that he repeatedly sought out these experiences, often taking the submissive or bottom role. From some of the conversations I discovered, he seemed genuinely excited and actively interested in these encounters, rather than simply acting out of shame or self-destruction.

I understand that being a bottom or enjoying submission doesn't automatically make someone gay. I also know that trauma doesn't determine sexual orientation. But I find it difficult to reconcile his insistence that he's straight with years of repeated sexual encounters with men.

He's now working on his addiction and wants to rebuild our marriage. He says he loves me and wants a future with me. But I'm terrified that he may not fully understand or accept his own sexuality yet.

What scares me most is the possibility that he genuinely loves women romantically but is sexually drawn to men, and that I could spend years rebuilding our marriage only for him to eventually discover that we're fundamentally incompatible.

I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's been through something similar:
- Has anyone's husband repeatedly had sex with men but continued to identify as straight?
- Has anyone's husband blamed same-sex behavior on addiction or childhood trauma, but later came out as gay or bisexual?
- Can a man genuinely be romantically attracted only to women while sexually desiring men?
- For those who stayed, did you eventually find clarity about your husband's sexuality and rebuild trust?

I know no one here can tell me definitively whether my husband is gay, bisexual, or straight. I'm not trying to label him against his will.

I'm just trying to understand whether I'm supporting a husband struggling with addiction and trauma, or holding on to a marriage with someone who hasn't fully accepted his sexuality.

Any honest experiences or perspectives would mean a lot.