My husband and I have both been sober for nearly 8 years. When we first met, we disclosed most of our past, and he told me he had been with men when women weren’t available. I didn’t think much because I had also had same sex encounters. We agreed to have a monogamous relationship. About a year ago, I found out he had been on dating sites, including an LGBT one. We went to therapy and he confessed he was queer. Some background: we had both been going to church and then he started to back out because of homophobic things he heard. He thinks I am not supportive of him because of my faith. We had the same faith!! Then, over the weekend we went away and went to a nude beach that was 99% gay men. I felt uncomfortable being there and made some comments about him liking the attention. He got very upset over this comment. Now, he has longish hair and wears earrings in both ears and Speedos to the beach. Does more hair care and body care than me. Has mostly gay friends or female friends. This doesn’t bother me too much - I try to let him be himself. But the queer identity, I don’t agree with at all. I don’t see why it matters in a heterosexual monogamous relationship. He told me over the weekend, his father was homophonic because he was molested by his landlord as a child, and this greatly impacted my husband because he has been attracted to men (and women) since he was young, but didn’t want to disappoint his father. So he’s been surpressing his identity his whole life. I can’t get on board with this. We have a great relationship and amazing sex. He doesn’t want this to alter our relationship, but I’m afraid one day he’s going to start acting queer in public (whatever that may look like) or decide he is gay. So nothing is changing at the moment, but the fights are super uncomfortable because I won’t support his queer identity.