SS....if we were face to face I'd hug you, sit with you and talk.
What these secretive and stupid men don't realise is if they had been more honest, mindful and caring with those they professed to love a lot earlier in their lives they would have avoided all the hurt. But the nature of the denial of bi or gayness means many don't.

So it's us, the straightspouses, that have to straighten our spine, be calm and look to people we know absolutely won't judge what we're going through but are willing to listen.
I'm 68. Separated 3 years ago after 38yrs, 20 of which I knew he was bisexual but we each have our own path, and remedy if you like, to get through something that doesn't happen to most.

My advice is to find that friend you know will keep your confidence. Or a son or daughter who will be there for you. It's imperative, at our age, to NOT let the cruel reality of somebody's well-kept secret life to ruin ours.

Elle

Regarding my post "Mind Boggling" - Thank you all for your input. Definitely gave some great advice. I still have the video of his phone conversation but will not be able to use it in divorce because I live in a No-Fault divorce state. So, he just goes on his merry way telling whatever story he wants to and I am left reeling and trying to figure out how to carry on. I sold my home to move into his and then spent the money from the sale of my home to improve his. Not sure what Judge will decide on that but for now I am still living in the home. He is staying with his daughter. Wondering if anyone has had to divorce in no fault state and if so, how did it work out?
 

I divorced my trans-identifying ex when I was 64, in a no-fault state.  My financial situation was different than yours--we were joint owners of our house, both of us with individual (and mostly equal) retirement accounts, and with smaller investments that were separately held, never mingled, and considered individual rather than marital property.  I actually sold my share of the house to my spouse for less than market value, but I did that to avoid the time and effort it would take to ready the house for sale, and consider it the price of getting away from him.  Everything else was essentially a 50/50 split (we had no debt).

You need to be pro-active here, and not just wait to see what a judge decides.  

 Your situation, in which you spend the proceeds of the sale of your house to improve your spouse's house, is much different.  You need a lawyer to tell you whether a case can be made for you to recover the money you spent.  I would imagine that you will need documentation--how much your house sold for, what the repairs/improvements to his house cost, etc.  

  As for the story he's telling--you can assume he is not telling the truth to people.  He's a practiced liar, after all, having deceived you and everyone else about his sexuality.   He apparently married you to be his beard, so he had the cover of a heterosexual marriage to help hid his homosexual orientation and activities.  It's a really tough thing to realize that you cannot do anything about what he says, or how people react.  It's unfair that his lies may condition others' reactions to you, but you can't control the way people react.  You can only decide how to react--do you go one with dignity and in silence, or do you develop a script with which to respond, perhaps a one-or-two liner about discovering a secret sexual life that necessitated divorce.  

For now, however, I suggest you put your energies into securing your financial future.  How you will live in your old age depends on that.