My wife (37) and I (40) have been married now for 12 years, and we have a six-year-old daughter together. We have had an amazing relationship, with a lot of common interests and friends, healthy living, good communication, respect and kindness towards one another as lovers and as parents. The Covid years were hard, with multiple family deaths, becoming new parents, job losses, relocation, and grieving all of that in pandemic isolation. Three years ago, we moved back to her hometown to have family support and to heal from some of that situational trauma. I know healing takes time and you don't always choose the shape it takes, but in my wife's case she became restless. Last year she began the process of coming out (as bisexual) to me, which has been awkward and painful. The catalyst was an emotional relationship she formed with her cousin-in-law, that has since ended. She hasn't physically cheated but has been pressuring me for consent to pursue an extramarital relationship with a woman (non-specific) for the past 6 months. Her actions and her words show me that she is trying to navigate these feelings with care but ultimately, I have been getting worn down from being the obstacle she was pushing against. So, I gave consent 3 weeks ago and just asked for patience while I try to catch up with the changes to the shape of the relationship and future I thought I had. Most days I want to leave because I feel coerced and I don't know if I am up for standing by while she commits herself to another relationship, but I haven't left because I love the life we have built together. Yesterday my wife told me she has been talking with a woman online and wants to meet her which has once again triggered a real fight or flight response in my nervous system. Once I gave her tentative consent, she essentially went straight ahead to posting a classified online describing what she was looking for and found a woman looking for a similar relationship structure: one that is mostly long distance and not a replacement of their existing domestic partnerships but is something that exists mostly in writing and emotional bonding, with intermittent physical affairs. I guess they have been talking and getting to know one another, but it all feels so fast for me. I am doing my best to adapt and reflect, take care of myself, and trust I will be okay. But I could use support while I navigate these waters.

Last edited by misterb eloto (April 13, 2026 6:57 pm)