I ignored a lot of signs/red flags over the years, because I wanted to believe in the dream that he presented, that he was a nice guy in a lot of ways and that porn was normal and sometimes gay porn is just mixed in there. Porn was a big part of everything. Got to love incognito mode. A few years back though he began with the hints, but he only shared enough for me to get the idea because he can't admit the truth for some reasson. Last summer he wanted to take up hiking right before I went away for a week. He even showed me the trail. I didn't think much of it, until he lied about being at work while I was away and I caught him by calling his work.  Then I look up gay/bi cruising and everything made sense. I found sniffies and saw the hiking trail marked where he had taken me. I saw streets we had driven around just "to go for a ride together." I then continued to montior the site and him and things just kept lining up. I saw a guy's bed not to far from where we live with a blanket that matched the one he got me for Christmas last year (with a guys bathrobe, because he couldn't find the women's section -I knew something there was off.). And then I discovered his photo on sniffies, from the neck down with all the stats I knew well, except for the one that said bi.I showed him the photo and he lied, but then weirdly smiled. Not sure what sadistic angle he was coming from there. But months later I am starting to accept that he will remain closeted to me. I think he is doing what is called a reverse discard, pushing me away. This way I can look like the one who abandoned him. My priest said its perfectly okay to go. I am leaving this week, and starting to feel ready... I hate having to start over because he lied. I hate that he still is lying and I especially hate that he has his friends and family all fooled. I hate that he is going to make me out to be the bad guy and that he has already accused me of having someone lined up. That is totally the last thing I can think of. No way I can ever trust again. At least I can't imagine it now. Maybe 5 years from now. I try to be thankful that at least I know the truth now. That is helpful. I also am starting to picture a new future with all sorts of possibilities. Travel maybe, new job?, not having to support someone else financially will be nice too.

Last edited by brokencatholicgirl (January 26, 2026 7:25 pm)